Painted Faces - the masks people wear

It all comes down to trust....

Trust.

Only five letters but such a big word.

How do you live your life? Do you trust others, yourself, God?

It can be difficult when you put your trust in someone and they let you down or worse betray you.

You can choose to trust only yourself, but that too is risky. Temptation or circumstances can lead you to let yourself down.

    Trusting God really is the only choice of the three that is infallible. Do you hear me? Trusting God is all we have really. In a broken world people will always let us down. We will always disappoint ourselves by falling short. God alone is constant. He is the Alpha and Omega – beginning and end. And He knows our beginning and end. His ways are not our ways – and I am so grateful for that! He's not about to say one thing and do another. And better yet, He always wants what's best for us.

    So why do we often find it such a challenge to trust Him? I think because in our minds too often He becomes lower than He is. We "humanize" Him. Expect Him to act and react in the way others around us do or have. Which is why if your earthly father has neglected or abused you it's very difficult to accept Father God as your loving, perfect Abba.

    Following the betrayal of my counsellor I have spent 18 months unable to trust anyone, withdrawing from social events and most of my friends, definitely unable to trust another counsellor. I trusted him completely but he was only human. And he let me down, couldn't follow through with what he promised.

God is not like that. He will never offer or promise something then fail to deliver. We can trust Him completely.

      I think trust should be seen as a verb, not a noun. Certainly as adults I don't think it's something that we all naturally or easily do. Most of us anyway. Growing up we experience let downs and betrayals that leave us wary of automatically trusting. It's something that needs to be earned before given.

Unless you make an active choice.

    It can be risky, and should be carefully given, but it is possible to choose to trust someone when you really have no obvious experience or reason to do so. Placing one's trust in someone is not a weakness but a strength. It's not saying "walk all over me, I'll forgive you anything" – it's simply saying that you choose to honour them with your trust until they prove untrustworthy.

    As mentioned in a previous chapter, I have always determined to trust first, hiding little of myself from those I have relationship with. Preferring to think the best of others until proven otherwise, especially those in need of my support or in whose care I have been placed, I have sometimes trusted too much and been burnt in the process.  

    In reality the only one you can truly know won't betray your trust is God. He alone is totally reliable, dependable, and true. Completely safe. We shouldn't expect Him to behave the same way family, friends or acquaintances do because He won't. He is faithful. In Him there is no evil, no sin. He may not always answer or provide what we want when we want it, but that doesn't mean He's betrayed us or can't be trusted. It simply means that His timing is not our timing – and He alone truly knows what's best for us. He will never give us something we want simply because we want it. If we are obviously praying outside of His will we will not get the answer we expect. Much like the parent of a small child, if they want to hold the firecracker but you know it's not safe, you're not going to give it to them just because they want it!

    We are told to in John 15:7 "If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you". This is one of a few verses often quoted by eager Christians to show that God has promised to give us everything we ask for; therefore if we don't receive it we either haven't had enough "faith" to receive, or God is not trustworthy anymore.

   But look more closely: there is a condition attached to this promise. "If you abide in me and my words abide in you". Or put more simply, if we ask for something that aligns with the heart of God then we will receive. He's not going to do or give us something that will be harmful to us or others. That would not be in the heart of God. We would not be aligning our will with His, and neither would we be in a place of abiding in Him.

   Sometimes we have to live through a situation in order to grow from it. To take a shortcut or "go home safe" card (remember monopoly?) just cheats us of what He can help us learn. That may sound harsh depending upon what you're going through but I can assure you that nothing is ever wasted by God and if you allow Him, He will make all things good for those who love and trust Him.

   I am reminded now how a while ago I asked Jesus to show me where He was in that room with those men – because He says He's always with us and I was still trying to make sense of my memories and their validity. He showed me a picture – and there He was, sitting on the floor, leaning against the opposite wall, head in hands – and crying. My Saviour was crying as He witnessed what they were doing to me. I was not alone. I was never alone. He witnessed and felt my pain. Did He miraculously rescue me?

    No, He didn't. And it's been a long journey to get where I am today. He did protect me by hiding those memories until I was able to look at them, though. And through the years He has always been with me. I have learned how to trust Him. How to depend upon Him. To respect free will and its consequences. To appreciate that even in the darkest of times good can come out of it, strength and character can be built. I have learned to face things I would rather not face. Fight for things I would rather not have to fight for. Accept things I cannot change and live with hurts that don't easily go away. My focus has become heaven. My longing has become freedom and redemption. I have no desire or interest in revenge or retribution. There is no need for that. Jesus has my back. I can leave it with Him and know that merciful justice will be given.

Because I learned to cry out to God in that room, I became a Christian and through me so did my family.

Those men showed me no mercy or kindness. I was nothing to them. Just a toy. A distraction. A means to gratify their perversions.

   Jesus showed me incredible mercy. It hurt Him to watch, but He never left me. He collected my tears and made something beautiful out of them. He is still healing me – as with us all, I am a process in motion until He comes again. But what I lived through has made me who I am. And you know what? Despite everything He still wants and loves me. Has a purpose for me. A plan for me.

   The question, really, now is this: will I surrender to Him? Give Him control? Let Him work out His plan for my life? Let Him use me even when it hurts or frightens me?

Do I trust Him? Do I trust Him to give me what I need when it's right for me to have it?

It's a choice, an action. Sometimes a leap of faith. It's a laying down of our  will so that we can align with His.

I've begun saying to God each morning: "I trust you with my day Abba! Please walk with me today!"

   I know I won't always get it right. Know some days will be hard. But if I trust my Abba He will walk with me. He will rebuke me when I mess up, soften my heart to repent and apologise. He will wipe my tears and encourage me to carry on. He will help me counter the negative thoughts in my head with His truth. He won't necessarily stop bad things happening, but He will give me strength to endure. He'll help me forgive. And He'll prompt others to help me when it becomes too hard on my own.

Pray this prayer if you feel able:

Father, teach me to trust you.

Show me your heart and help me to abide in you so that your will in my life can be done.

Help me to see through your eyes Lord, so that everything becomes clear.

Help me to trust you even when you seem far away. Through the hard times.

Grant me your peace and let my heart be still.

Give me supernatural knowing so that I never question your trustworthiness.

And let it shine from my eyes like a lantern, giving hope to a lost world.

Amen