Painted Faces - the masks people wear

Epilogue

In May 2020 I wrote this and share it with you nearly two years later as I conclude my writing:

    "I sit this afternoon listening to worship music and my spirit soars in the grace and love of our Lord. I sense a shift in the world around me – for years Jesus has whispered in my ear of His imminent return, and I sense that more acutely as time goes on. There is an urgency in the air, I see a vision of a great army of white horses and the saints and angels preparing as the horses paw the ground with impatience and excitement. Jesus wears many crowns and battle gear as He strokes His horse's muzzle soothingly and encourages those around Him. Much must happen before this, however; I realize it is a vision of His return as conquering King and before this He has raptured His church in preparation for the end of this age. These saints are us – His church, both now and through the ages. We join with Him to usher in His victory.

    I see too that He will save us from even ourselves if we let Him. Doubt, fear, and our past can hold us captive, but not if we trust Him to take care of it all for us.

   There is a fierceness in the Lord's love for us; He is slow to anger, but not afraid of it. Righteous anger has a place and Jesus will fight on our behalf. One day I will dance again, in freedom and delight. Unselfconscious, abandoned, and full of laughter. Whatever is holding you back can be loosened too, in the power of His name! You too can be free.

   I have had experience of His mercy in silencing my memories until the time was right for me to revisit them. God uses everything for good. They would have destroyed me back then and I may not have lived to worship His name in fullness and freedom.

    We always have a choice, and at times the hurt and ache for what I have missed because of my experiences nearly suffocates me as Satan whispers in my ear. I wonder how and when it will ever end, when I will ever experience full weeks without the pain of depression and anxiety. But my choice is this: God was as much there in my suffering as He is here with me now as I write. Satan has no control over that mystery and no power to touch me unless I let him. To whom will I listen?

So - I choose my place as the King's daughter, beloved and protected. 

That doesn't mean trials won't come my way, but it means my ultimate destination is secure and I am not alone. His mercy is only a cry away. And after all in the end it's how I finish this race that matters most.

   As I respond to the prompts to write my story Jesus joins me here . I write, not always knowing what will appear on the page next, and grace and mercy, understanding and perspective are released. The warm balm of healing oil flows over me and I am undone. Can it be that I have a purpose too?

   The longing in me is to show Jesus' love to all I meet. To help Him mend broken hearts, to bring His light into the darkness. To hear His voice clearly, speak His freedom into lives that don't even know they need Him.

Give me your words, Lord! Give me your heart, replace the broken heart in me with overflowing mercy and strength for those who need You!"

Two years later my heart-cry has not changed and my prayer for you today is that you will see a way through the pain that holds you back, by reaching up and grasping firmly the hand of your Saviour. He longs to know you, protect you, redeem and bless you. He knows exactly what you need to survive and finish your race well. May you learn to trust Him, love Him, seek and follow Him and accept the hope that comes only from Him. 

Our journeys may be different - and mine like yours is not yet finished -  but my hope is that in some way by telling part of my story it has opened a door for you too to talk, see God's heart for you in your pain and perhaps find a way to begin moving forward again.

May He bless and keep you – always!