Sleeping Under The Moonlight ( Tommyinnt x Reader)

Chapter 11

Tw// Suicide attempt,  Self Guilt, Blood,  Panic Attack, Arguing,  Mentions of Alcohol

A home isn't a place but a feeling. A feeling I couldn't feel but wish I did. This wasn't my home. It never was.

I can't find one time that I felt happy here. Was I ever happy here.  The constant arguing and lies that wiped tough the houses side by side. 

Nothing was the same. Not one single thing.

Other than our platforms. Even they went from daily streams to weekly. Well except ranboo. He just keep streaming. I mean someone had to provide content.  We walked through the door. The scent of alcohol was upsetting but I managed. The door opened wider.

EVERYONE.

I mean everyone was sitting in the lobby of our house. The three of us stopped and Kristen gave a sweet wave. They all looked directly at me. My body felt like it was Burning as everyone started and didn't bat an eye.

I didn't say anything. Yet they continued to stare. We're they mad. Why would they be mad?

" You left without telling anyone. '' the brown haired man spoke up. His tone was sharp and deep. He had not one ounce of guilt in any part of his tone. My mind flashed a memory of him yelling at me. His name I finally knew his name.

Wilbur. 

" I'm sorry I didn't want to bother your party" he raised an eyebrow.

  "Our party it's your party, you left your own party to do what. Hang out with your ex boyfriend who treated you like shit and Kristen" she didn't like his tone of voice neither did Phill. 

" it was never a party for me and you know that" I spoke quickly and quietly.

" Yes the fuck it was. We have cake and banners all for you to  be Welcomed Come home. How ungrateful could you be. " he just continued to speak out of anger. The emotions flickered in his eyes. He was hurt. So he took his anger out on others.

" You know I hate the smell of Alcohol or even the thought of it. But somehow you had to include it in a welcome home party for a minor. " I did want to be rude but he needed to know the truth. I was angry but I couldn't take it out on him. He didn't deserve it.

" You can't suck the fun out of everything. We're allowed to have fun too. We have lived in hell for the past four weeks all because you decide to cut too deep. " The house was dead silent. 

.

.

.

.

" Will you can't just fucking say that" George and Phill yelled.  I held my wrist out and looked down. The scars that once spewed blood.

I could see the scars and the blood that seeped though my bathroom floor. The blood that dripped from everyone's hands.

The memories I wanted to forget. I didn't want them. All the memories. The fights. My families deaths. My break up. All came back. Not one left unnoticed. My hands started to shake.

" I wish I cut fucking deeper" I screamed.

" I wish I died. I'M supposed to be Dead. " I fell to the ground crying.

" I want to be dead" I repeatedly yelled this. My hand grabbed my hair and pulled.  I Hiccuped and cried.

" I can't do this anymore. I tried and I'm tired. " I sobbed

"I'm tired" arms pulled my shaking body close. 

"I tried" I repeatedly sobbed.

"I'm tired"  I tried to breathe but my oxygen seemed to be cut off.  another hand softly laid on my shoulder.

  "DON'T touch me" I yelled as I curled my legs into my body. I cried into my knees.  I scooted myself back into a wall. I didn't  feel safe. I just wanted to feel safe. A guy with blond hair squatted in front of me. It was ranboo.

" hey hey. Shhh I know it's a lot. Shhhh. You're okay. You're gonna be okay" he said sorry and put his hand on mine. 

I yanked mine away and he respected that. So he moved his hand. My eyes were blurry but I could never forget who tubbo was. He sat next to ranboo.

"Y/n it's tubbo I need you to breathe for me"  he tried to grab my hand but I didn't want anyone to touch me.  So I pulled it away. The people arguing in the background only made me panic more.  I cried even more. My body shaked as I tried to get air in my lungs.  My lungs felt like they were about to set a flame.

Then a hand curled gently into mine. His hands we're soft at the touch. I felt safe. I didn't move. 

So he came closer and sat right next to me. His arm wrapped around me and I was pulled to his chest. Where I sat there and cried.

" It's okay, you're safe with me. I won't break my promises again"  I got flooded with another memory. 

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"Y/n I'm gonna go with you I'll be right next to you. If you get scared on the way down, close your eyes and think about something you love or that calms you down. As long as I'm next to you I will not let anything or anyone hurt you" He wiped the tears from my eyes and I  gave a quick nod. 

"Promise" I held out  my pinkie. "Promise" We linked our pinkies and shook them. Followed by a soft smile from both of us. 

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I held onto him as I slowly calmed down. 

"I'm so sorry " I soft  spoken.

"  you don't have to be sorry love" tommy looked down at me in his arms. "But I caused so much pain. I just wanted to feel free. I'm so sorry for being selfish" the boys shook their heads.

"  it wasn't selfish. Y/n you were hurting and no one helped and that's on us. It will never be your fault. We all played a huge factor in it. If anything we should be saying sorry for being assholes" tubbo agreed with ranboo. 

These were the friends I knew.  They never changed. We stay  leaning on each other.

All of us were Flinching as the adults yelled. Drista and Lani joined us. I felt safe with these people. All my friend's Tubbo, Lani, Drista, Ranboo and mostly Tommy.

We all have to learn as people. We grow and change. Sometimes for worse or for the better. I can't blame Will for being upset. I hurt him and I hope one day he will forgive me.

Now it's a waiting game to see if once put together the Jigsaw puzzle can be restored. 

A/n heavy chapter but it need to be done. Anyway To all my very single, lonely readers. Happy Valentine's Day.
Have my flowers 🌹🌷🌺. Anyway your all loved have a great rest of your DAY, NIGHT MORNING AFTERNOON AND EVENING. 

( if you could go on a road trip What would you like to see. Q/A time for you All as well. Ask questions I'll answer)