Sleeping Under The Moonlight ( Tommyinnt x Reader)

Chapter 25

Tw// Mention of Suicides

If looks could kill I would be six feet under.  Not that it's a bad thing. I stood there waiting for someone to talk. The room felt stale And cold like someone sucked all the air out of it.

The silence said more than words ever could. They were upset, angry, worried and sad. Their faces filled with guilt and caution.

Like if they said the wrong thing I would break into pieces. Afraid if they pulled me into a hug I would turn to ash and float away with the wind.

The silence suffocated all of us.

In a room full of loud and funny people everyone seemed dead. In one way or another. Hearts that have been broken. Friendships that may never be fixed.

A room of people who used to laugh and smile, held on by a single thread bound to break any second. The question was, who held the scissors. Who was going to break the silence?

A room full of people wanting to talk but not knowing how.  Where did I fit into this? We used to be a jigsaw puzzle that fit together perfectly.

That was until my piece got lost.  Then it hit me. I didn't know how to feel. I wanted to be angry at them, yet I couldn't bring myself to do it.

My heart wanted to beat out of my chest. Similar to a wildfire ripping through a forest. Rather I remained calm. Was I the calm before the storm or the chaos that followed, or was I both the clam and the chaos.

Only they knew the answer. I didn't know what I wanted to feel or what I was supposed to feel. I knew no one was gonna speak first. It always ended badly for the person who did. So I took the leap for them. 

" I'm sorry " was all I could whisper.

The words I wanted to say never came. I wanted to defend my actions. I wanted to say I should have texted them or let them know I would have been streaming. I wanted to tell them.

I couldn't no matter how hard I tried. My mouth opened to spew out everything on my mind but only air escaped my lips. So I closed my mouth. I knew every time I tried to speak how I felt or the truth it ended badly.

I would be babied and pushed down and then they would turn me away, as the adults took turns fighting and yelling at me. Nothing was simple anymore. I ruined that for us. 

I ruined quite a lot for us. 

"Is all you have to say is sorry?" Will questioned. He had finally broken through his fear of talking. 

I opened my mouth to speak but nothing followed. I had so much to say but so little air to do it. I looked down at my feet then back up at him. He wasn't happy.

No one was. 

"You disappeared again without a trace, we all thought you left the country with ranboo this time. You can't do that. What the actual fuck"  his worlds  were laced with venom but only held the truth.

I should have told them. 

"I'm sorry" I whispered a little louder. Tears threatening to pour out. I wouldn't let them win. I couldn't, I'm
already weak enough. 

"Y/n you can't just fucking go and stream all alone without anyone and not tell someone after the huge panic attack you had in the theater room" will spoke again.

Oh how I wish he didn't. Dream looked at me. I could feel his eyes burning though my skull. I couldn't even think about making eye contact with any of them.

" Is this true?" he questioned. He didn't know what to believe at this point. I couldn't exactly blame him either. 

Lies became the foundation of this house. It's all sunshine and rainbows when the other dream smp members interact with us.