I open the door and our eyes meet.
"What?"
"You fucking know what. So, how much have you seen?"
I had two options. Either own up to it, or okay dumb. I know that playing dumb would only make it worse in the long run, but let's just live in the moment. Plus, Nate was pretty fucking scary when he got angry.
"What the fuck are you talking about Nate?"
"Holy shit, Sarah. You can drop the act now, you went in my Dads office."
"And?"
"Follow me." He says sternly as he practically drags my by the arm. He takes me into the office right behind the desk.
"The drawers are fucking busted. You really thought i wouldn't notice?"
"That wasn't me."
"Jesus fucking christ Sarah, just shut the fuck up and tell me what you saw, i'm not going to fucking hurt you." He yells.
"Okay.."
He paces the room back and forth. It was clear he was stressed, he obviously knew about the tapes.
"So, what did you see."
"I saw how fucked up your Dad really is."
"I know, you're right. He is fucked up."
"Ya, and so are you."
"What?" He says as he stops pacing and faces me.
"It's clear that you knew about the tapes since you're so angry, yet you didn't do a fucking thing about it? Maybe you're more fucked up than he is."
"Sarah, you don't want to push me right now, okay? I just want some fucking answers."
"For what?!"
He bangs the wall with his fist which causes me to jump.
"You wouldn't understand."
"Nate could i just leave, i wont tell anyone."
"What the fuck do you mean by that?"
"You're scaring me, i don't feel safe in your house. I just want to go, please."
"You're fucking scared?" He laughs
"Nate, if you really do love me then just let me go for now. Just take some time to cool off and-"
"Shut up! I'm fucking done with this bullshit, just answer my questions and you'll leave in one piece, understood?!" He threatens as he comes face to face with me.
"Nate-"
I'm cut off by his hand around me neck, pushing me against a wall.
"NATE STOP I CANT FUCKING BREATHE!" I push at him as he lets go of my neck and the anger on his face has completely disappeared.
"Sarah i'm-"
Before he could finish i push him away from me and storm out of his room and head out of the front door and start walking. I don't know where, but i just started walking.
About two minutes later i see his truck slowly driving beside me on the side of the road. He rolls his window down but i don't look at him. Why the fuck would i?
"Sarah."
I ignore him and keep walking.
"SARAH! I'm so fucking sorry."
...
He completely pulls over and parks on the side of the road and jumps out. He starts to walk over to causing me to walk faster, i'm practically running.
"SARAH PLEASE LET ME TALK!"
Why the fuck would i even listen to him? I should be kicking him in the nuts after what he just fucking did. He said he would never do anything to hurt me, but he just fucking did.
He finally caught up to me and pulls my arm to turn my around to face him.
"Sarah-"
"WHAT?" I yell
"What the fuck do you want from me?!"
"Please get in the car and let me explain!"
"No, i'm not going anywhere with you! Fuck that."
I begin to walk away but he pulls my arm, again, to face him.
"Sarah i didn't mean to hurt you. I cant fucking control my anger!"
"How the fuck is that my fault?!"
"You're right, it isn't your fault. It's mine. You have every right to be upset with me. Please let me-
"No! I am fucking DONE with you. You're too much! I mean- honestly you make all these promises about how you'd never hurt me like you did with Maddy and-"
"Sarah-" He tries to grab for my hand put i slap his away.
"You told me you would fucking change for me! You said you would become the man i deserve! But i know damn well i don't deserve this." Tears start to roll down my face.
"I know, i know you're right and i-"
"No! You don't fucking know so shut the fuck up. How would you know? Have you ever been treated like this? You're a manipulative psychotic asshole who destroys peoples lives!"
"Sarah, can i please talk? You're right about everything you said. I-"
"Could you just shut the fuck up. I mean, honestly everything you say is bullshit. You say the same things everytime. You say shit like 'I'm sorry' Or 'I'll change, i'll grow, i don't deserve you.' You even say bullshit like 'I love you'!"
"That wasn't bullshit Sarah, i love you and you fucking know it." His face shows pain. I know he means it, but i couldn't forgive what he'd done. When someone lays a hand on me, i never forget it.
"If you loved me you wouldn't fucking abuse me!"
"I know, i'm a shitty person. I've done horrible things that i'm not proud of, i'm probably the most hated person at our fucking school. But that's who i am, Sarah. That's who you fell in love with! All i could do is try. I cant promise i'll change, but i promise i'll try! Thats all i fucking do! I'm trying really fucking hard, you have no fucking idea what i go through. I'm sorry i took my anger out on you, you're just the only one who tolerates it and the only one who actually listens. That's one of the things that i love about you! I know i hurt you, and you're never going to fucking forget, but all i could do now is try and change for you, i promise i'll try just don't leave me, please. I've never felt so much love for someone until i met you. I'll do anything to make you stay! Just please..please don't leave me alone." A tear falls from his eye. Nate Jacobs never cries unless it's meaningful. That's how i know he meant it.
"Please.."
I nod my head and pull him into my arms where he sobs. I know he doesn't deserve a second chance, but one of the things i hate about him, is that i'll always love him. No matter what he does, i'll always come running back, and it makes me sick, but i can't stop.
"Nate i fucking hate you!" I cry as we hug.
"I know, you have every reason to."
"But i love you. I always will."
"I love you too. So fucking much." He kisses my forehead.
For The rest of the night, we went back to his place and had a serious conversation about our relationship and Nate's anger issues, not only that but we also talked about the tapes. He still doesn't know i have Jules' tape, but that's okay. It really didn't matter right now. All that mattered was us.
YOU ARE READING
Nate Jacobs - Falling down
RomanceNate always liked being the top. The one in control. But once he met Sarah, he was completely weak to his knees. He was the bottom to her top. She had control. This story contains the following: Smut, Mentions of abuse, Drugs and Language.
