Nate Jacobs - Falling down

Chapter Nineteen - I want this.

Nate POV

"Sarah, what's wrong? What did the test say?" I say as i get off the couch and make my way over to her.

"I-i'm pregnant! I'm fucking pregnant!" She practically screams in joy. And me on the other hand, was scared for my life.

Sarah POV

"I-i'm pregnant! I'm fucking pregnant!"
I scream as i run over to Nate and wrap my arms around him, jumping like a 3 year old who'd just gotten a barbie doll for christmas.

Although my arms were wrapped around him, his didn't wrap around me. That's when i realized that Nate didn't want this baby. I stopped celebrating one of the best moments in my life to consider his feelings as well.

I let go of him and looked into his eyes. He looked terrified, and was on the verge of tears. He couldn't even look into my eyes.

"Nate?"

"Y-yeah that's um..great." He says while scratching the back of his neck. He still hasn't made any eye contact with me.

"Wow. I definitely wasn't expecting that reaction."

He doesn't answer. He just looks at the floor.

How the hell would we decide if we're keeping it or not if he won't give me a god damn answer? I cant tell if he doesn't want it, or doesn't know if he does for sure yet. But regardless, i want to have this child.

My eyes start burning as i feel a tear fall. I back away from Nate in disgust. I feel more tears spilling out of my eyes causing Nate to make eye contact.

"Sarah." He says just above a whisper.

"What?" I reply in a disgusted tone, which i figure he caught.

"I'm sorry. I- i just don't know if i can do this."

"You don't have to, Nate. I told you that you didn't have to be involved. But you couldn't even be happy for me?"

He walks a bit closer to me, causing us to be face to face.

"No, Sarah. I'm not happy for you. You know why? Because if i'm not involved, i lose you too. It's either i choose the baby, or i lose you. And i don't want to lose you." He says as he pulls me in for a hug, but i pull him away.

"So you're saying that you're going to be involved just because you'll lose me if you're not? What the fuck Nate!"

"What? I didn't say anything wrong.." He says in defense.

"Yes, you did. Because you don't even want this child! You're probably going to treat them like shit, Nate!" I yell hitting his chest, but he grabs ahold of my hands and places him into his.

"No no, i would never do that. Not to you or your child!" He places his forehead against mine.

"Nate, i'm so fucking confused." I whisper.

"So am i. I'm sorry, i just don't know what i want yet. I'm sorry i put you through all of this."

Does he want the child or not? He's fucking confused me.

"I would say it's okay but-" Before i could finish, he cuts me off.

"But it's not okay. This is part of the reason i don't want a child with you. Because you deserve better. You deserve someone who will make you feel good, not treat you like shit all the time. And i do all of those things to you. Not intentionally, which is the worst part. This is how i'm wired. I don't want to make that mistake with our child."

Nate rambles just above a whisper, against my forehead kissing it. I feel his tears hitting my face. I feel his pain.

"Nate, you can change. I believe in you, okay? I love you and i want this child with you."

We look into each other's eyes, while i'm waiting for him to respond. But he doesn't, he just kisses me. This kiss wasn't lust, it was love.

Nate POV

I kissed her. There was nothing that i could put into words that could describe my feelings for her. So i had to show her how much she meant to me. I had to change for her.

We slowly pull away from the kiss.

"I love you too. And i want to have this child with you."

Her face forms into a huge smile, as she laughs.

"Really?!" She squeals.

"Yes." I laugh.

"Are you sure though? There's no backing out now Nate, i need you to be 100 percent sure..i just don't want you changing your mind-"

"Hey, stop." I mutter.

I cut her off and pull her close to me.

"I want this." I kiss her forehead.
"I want you." I kiss her nose.
"And I want our child." I kiss her lips.

"I fucking love you." She whispers against my lips.

"I fucking love you too."