I was typing up a email when my new phone buzzed. I hesitated to answer because I didn't know the number, but my co-worker was sitting only a few meters away and I remember her making sure in the job interview that I wasn't afraid to pick up the phone or be social. There was a moment of silence after I had answered before I heard a voice from the past saying awkwardly hello.
"Nathan, is that you?" My tone switched a notch and I noticed my co-worker lifting her head from the papers and looking over to my direction.
"Yeah It's me, I can't believe you still have the same number." As he answered I picked up my coat and went outside on the balcony.
"No point in changing something old that works." It stung a little to say that to him. "But how, or why are you calling me?"
"True that, I just got back home and found some old journal that had your number in it and thought why not give my old best friend a call." Nathan answered.
I tasted the word best friend a while in your mouth before agreeing silently that it was probably the safest term to describe you two.
"So I've been.." There was a little hesitation before he continued. "I mean, I am now that I'm talking to you thinking... do you want to grab some coffee or lunch?"
I realized that I missed him as friend. "I don't see a reason why not."
"That's good, when do you have time? I got all day.." Nathan asked.
I looked back in and saw my co-worker keeping an eye on you. "I'm at work at the moment, but I get off at 5."
"Oh, you work, that sounds responsible." Nathan trailed off.
"I guess so." There was a lot of other things he had missed in the last year, but It didn't feel appropriate to fill him in on the details on the phone.
He was already sitting by a table with a cup of coffee when I walked in, I saw him wave at me to come to the table. He still had that goofy boyish smile, but had grown up enough to own his features. Gone was that silly looking boy.
"Y/N" He hugged me the second he could.
The moment he let go of me I felt the depth between us, a year apart had made it broader. "Sorry.." He backed of after a while not knowing where the boundaries lay between you two.
"I should go order something.." I said thinking I could escape the tension a while longer.
"Let me treat you, I asked you all the way here.." Nathan got back up to say.
"It's okay Nathan this place is on my way home." I tried to assure him.
"You don't live anymore in the old house?" Nathan asked confused.
"No I moved out almost year ago, before mom decided to sell it off." I guess he never got the news. Mom had to sell the house and get a better paying job in the city; I was still stuck between trying to save money for college and a career.
He seemed to be transfixed by the words. I put down my coat and bag, picking up just my wallet. "I'll be back in a moment." I said and walked to the counter.
"You look different, but the same." Nate said as I sat back down with my fresh cup of coffee.
I didn't know how to take his comment, so I changed the subject. "So Nathan, how have you been and how is your mom these days?
"Well, I've been around, mostly doing music, I've got a good life back in LA. Mom, well she's the same as always, worrying over me, but I know she supports my choices." He was fumbling with his fingers around his cup. "Y/N, I know it's been over a year, probably closer to two years."
I swallowed afraid where this conversation was going.
"..it seems you've matured a lot more than I have, so it feels silly to come back to beg you to consider me again." He lowered his eyes to his coffee cup.
"Consider you again for what?" I honestly wasn't sure what he meant.
"You know.. to let me be in your life." Nathan was the one to cut all contact and end the friendship after my little drunken confession. "I was idiotic, I saw a bit of fame and I got hungry. You probably knew I liked you too, I mean we were practically a couple already." He fixed his gaze on me.
I shook my head, nothing had ever been clearly anything. It felt like we were friends trespassing on the edge of a relationship too scared to jump over the fence.
I had plenty of time to rehearse this answer after he left, yet I was lost at words to explain myself. "You know how much I missed you after you left to the first tour? I mean, I was just so scared of losing you... Don't let anything I said when you got back bother you." Knowing that with those words I had already lost him once.
"But Y/N, I missed you too.." He looked hopefully at me. "Honestly, there was no reason for me to come back home, I just felt silly calling you from LA." Nathan was again fumbling around with his coffee cup. "I wanted to see you, but when I got here I chickened and called you instead."
"Well let's just make sure we don't lose touch again." I said and smiled. This was going splendidly, he would forget that night and may be I got my best friend back.
Nathan took a hold of my hand. "Y/N, I don't think you understand why I'm here. I was selfish, I thought a crowd of fans could replace you and I do love my fans, but nobody else can be you." He swallowed, but his eyes never wavered away from mine. "This might be too late, but I love you too."
I stared at him in disbelief, did the guy who left town after I confessed to him just confess to me.
The thought that he could cut me out from his life without warning still hurt me, could I give him a chance?
