The Inc Affair (Pty) Ltd

19. Confessions

A few weeks had passed, and I was sitting across from Mr Watson's desk again. It never felt the same as before. I no longer had a crush on him, but I admired him. Nik came in a lot less often. I'd bet he was working on his empire with his new barbie doll dame.

I found myself thinking a lot about Mr Bychkov those days, wondering about what could be. We'd rule that city as a power couple. Kinda missed him...

Thinking that my strong desire to be in Bychkov's arms was because he was the only man I've ever slept with, I thought I'd go to a club and change that fact.

I ended up taking a guy up to my apartment that drunken night. Weirdly, I never wanted to kiss him. But when it came to him going down on me, I found myself moaning Nik's name. His full first name.

"What?" He came up and looked at me.

"What?"

"It's Ken, remember?" He said. He never seemed phased by it, only that he corrected me. It had me thinking he had one-nightstands quite often. Who cares? Sex is sex.

"What did I say?"

"Nikolas."

"I did?" I whispered to myself, and then looked at him, "you need to leave."

"But-"

"Leave. Now."

I headed to the bathroom, leaving him to get dressed and leave my apartment. I looked at myself in the mirror for a while. If one thing was evident from what had happened, it would be that my body longed for him and him alone.

I wanted to call him, but I thought I'd have a bit more liquid courage. I may had more than anticipated.

"Emily."

"Hey. How are you doing, my Russian Nik?"

"Are you drunk?" He asked.

"Is the circle round?" I asked, and snickered right after, explaining how I got to that joke as though it wasn't obvious. "You were like-"

"I remember the elevator. Why are you calling?"

"There's something I need to tell you, but I needed to be drunk first so that I have total deniabilty," I said. The idea had popped in my head when he recognized my drunkenness earlier.

"Okay."

"Mr Watson was nothing more than a crush, because it's longer there. I like Jason, you know, but not like that anymore. I like Jacob, too, but like a friend. We're resolved our issues and we realized it'd be best to be friends."

"Why are you telling me-"

"I'm totally falling for you," I quickly said before I aborted the mission. He never answered, so I elaborated, "I can't stop thinking about you. Every time you in go Mr Watson's office, I can't help imagining you had me lying on his desk-"

"On Jason's desk?"

"The positions differ. Sometimes you have me bending over-"

"How much did you have to drink?"

"Including at the club?" I asked, putting my legs up on the couch. "Psh, I don't know," I laughed hard.

"Are you still drinking?"

"Are you still making me nervous?" I rhetorically asked, knowing that I had half a bottle of wine still waiting for me as I took a sip from my glass. "There's definitely a hole in the bottle."

"Emily, I know you won't remember this in the morning, but I'm flattered that you're into me," he said. I listened attentively, wondering if he'd confess his love, "but love? You can't love me. You don't know how to."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not trying to be poetic, but you gotta love me unconditionally or your love isn't real to me. Love all of me, or not at all.

Drink plenty of water. Goodnight, Emily."

He ended the call before I could try to stop him. It had me having another glass.

▪︎

I watched hypnotizing flames of the fireplace Nik had expertly created. I had worked up a bit of sweat, but none of that mattered that cold evening as felt the embrace of his bare body.

"Do you love me?" He whispered in my ear from behind. I smiled before I turned to him and kissed him.

"I love you. It's always been you-"

"It's always been us, and-"

"Forever," I finished his line and gasped.

That's when I woke up and realized that it was a dream. I knew that it was worse than a wet dream, more serious. Did I declare my love to Nikolas in my dreams?

Oh the headache I felt, it was like I drank 10 times more wine than the one bottle of wine that sat on my coffee table.

I called my sister, and she gave me remedy tips for the hangover. Since she still had time before going to work, I thought I'd tell her about my scandalous dream.

"You had another dream about him?" She asked.

"Yea, but this time it wasn't like a wet dream," I said, and whispered, "I told him that I loved him."

"And you never slept with him?"

"I'd never sleep with that misogynistic cold bastard," I had to make it believable, otherwise our conversation would've been very different.

"It doesn't make sense."

"Why doesn't it? I simply don't like him," I sounded in denial. If she knew, then she'd notice too.

"No, I meant your dreams, why do you subconsciously want him so much-"

"I do not." I sternly said.

"I know, sis, it just doesn't make sense otherwise. If I hadn't known how much you hate him-"

I gasped, cutting her mid-sentence: "is that the time? Hun, I'll have to call you back later." I had to escape that conversation before I let slip about all the things I did with the boss, about all the things I wanted him to do.