Desire (Two Weeks Later)
I sat in the nursery that my dad had worked hard on and so did August before all this happened. I held my baby girl and rocked her as rocked her. I traced her eyebrows that were so much like her father's. I hadn't saw August since he's been back from LA. My grandmother went out to LA and every since then things have been really weird. I don't know what happened in LA, but apparently something did.
I continued to rock A'Shariah and Day walked in and stood by the rocker looking down at his lil sister. He was so happy to have her around and that I was so thankful for. He reached out and placed his finger in her hand and she held it tightly as her eyes closed shut. The bond they were forming was so strong. I knew that he would always protect her.
Day pulled his finger out of her hand and I stood up and placed her in the crib. I stood and looked down at her. She was so beautiful and she was my angel.
"I love you babygirl." I kissed her forehead and grabbed Day's hand. We walked out and he ran into his room to play.
I walked in my room and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw August sitting on the edge of the bed. He had his head held down and his arms rested on his legs. I closed the door and leaned up against it with folded arms. He looked up and he stared at me for a long time. I stared back not saying anything when all I wanted to do was slap the holy piss outta him.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"I missed you."
I started laughing hysterically cause I found that to be funny. I shook my head and narrowed my eyes at him. "You missed me, but you left for three months and barely talked to me. You missed me, but you missed our daugther's birth, but you missed me? I hate to see if you don't miss me because you missing me is epic."
"Desire I-"
"Nigga don't come up in here talking about you sorry because you ain't sorry. You think that you can just up and leave like you single and do what you want when you want to. You don't give a damn about nobody, but you." I dropped my head because no matter how I tried to hold the tears back they fell anyway.
I wiped them away and I saw August about to approach, but I placed my hand up to stop him from coming near. "No August! You can't just come back without an explanation and act as if everything is okay because its not fuckin' okay! I love you August with every fiber in my body, but why can't I get the same love from you in return. Huh?" I ran my hands through my hair feeling my anger take place.
"Desire I do love you. I just....I need you Desire." He stepped closer to me, but I side stepped him.
"You need me, but yet you leave me. Why August?"
"Baybeh I'm dealing with a lot of shit that has got me fucked up mentally and emotionally."
"So instead of talking to me and letting be there to help you with whatever you are dealing with, you up and leave not once thinking about how this was gon' effect our family."
He sighed and placed his hands in his pocket. He looked down at his feet and looked at me with tears in his eyes. He stepped right to me where we were almost touching. I looked at him through my tear filled eyes. This was the man that I loved more than life itself and he has hurt me one time to many. I used to believe in us, but now I don't know. After this he showed me that he didn't trust me or my love enough for him to come to me, his wife with his problems. His problems were my problems, but unfortunately he don't see it that way.
"August I can't do this with you anymore. It hurts too much. I'm tired of being hurt. I love you. I'm in love with you, but it hurts too much for me to stay with me feeling like I'm not enough. You don't realize how you make me feel when shit like this happens with us. You bring in insecurities that I had long buried."
