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(4 years later)
Four years, I've been in this bizarre world for four years. I won't complain much since I was born in a rich family and could have anything that I want at my feet, again.
I miss my parents, yes, but not that much. They were kind to me and loved me, but most of the time they were busy with their work since the two of them were lawyers. This time however, my father owned a company and my mother was a housewife.
Apparently this is year 1982, and I'm four years old. I live in Tokyo now and don't look anything like I did before. In my 'past life' I was living in (country name) and had (e/c) eyes. But now my eyes were black, just like my mom. If I am correct, then I've been reborn in a completely different world.
Every night, I would hear my father yelling and hitting my mother but she would just reply back calmly. She was a calm and composed woman with high morals, unlike my real 'mother' who was quiet impulsive. She was an outgoing person and had many friends. My this mom, she was quiet and formal. She had friends too but they all seemed to have a wired distinct aura every time they're together.
My mother has never shed a single tear in the four years that I've known her ever since the day I first saw her. She would always be gentle with me and play with me for as long as she can. She might be a housewife but she managed this house's finances and hence was quiet busy.
I still do not know how to react to this situation. The fact that it has been four years just means that this is certainly not a dream. I feel frustrated because my movements and actions are limited because of me being a baby.
Tonight was just like the usual. However today something really unexpected happened.
While I was quietly playing in my room, my father came in the room while dragging my mother with her hair clutched in his right hand.
He pushed her on the floor, making her scream in pain. My eyes widened. I stood up and walked towards my mother with my small feet. Before I could reach her, I fell to my knees making my father scoff.
I became angry. Something like this has never happened to me before. How dare he! How dare anyone ruin my perfect life! I had it all, I could ruin a person with just a phone call, then why? Why was this happening?
My father walked towards me and yanked me up. Then he did something unexpected. He slapped me, so hard that I swear I could have started bleeding.
"LET HER GO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" My mother screamed in anger and tried to take me away from him. I was feeling even more angry now. How dare he?! But all I could do was cry in frustration. That seemed to have made the man even more angry.
"Why you useless child!" He raised his hand to hit me again. But before I could get hit, my mother shielded me, causing her to be slapped instead. My eyes widened as I stopped crying.
The man hit her, again and again, once, twice, thrice. Was this all just because I am a girl, someone not fit to take over his company? How can someone be like this?
My eyes widened in realisation. Such hypocrisy from my side. Who am I to say such things? Looking back at it now, haven't I hurt people myself. Is this how they felt too?
After my father was gone out of the room, I looked at my mom who looked tired but still gave me that sweet, sweet smile of hers. I held her now red cheeks in my small hands and wiped her tears. She started whimpering, her strong facade breaking bit by bit.
It hurt my heart watching her like like this. The fact that I too have harmed people in similar ways made me feel.... Angry? Sad? Disappointed? I don't know. The thing is I've never even thought about how my actions were affecting others.
The realisation was hard to take in, but it was the truth. I wonder how many people have suffered because of my childish actions. I never had actual parental guidance since my parents liked to spoil me but were rarely there. But could such a useless thing excuse my actions?
I've hurt people both physically and mentally. I still remember ripping hurting people and ruining their work just because they were better than mine.
I closed my eyes and laid down beside my mother, the two of us now on her bed. She wasn't crying anymore, but had a rather determined expression on her face. She picked me up making me sit on her lap.
"I'm sorry my sweetheart. Mama promise that you will never have to see something like this ever again." She then proceeded to wipe my tears. I wanted to tell her to stop. I do not deserve such kindness after all that I've done.
Giving me a small peck on the cheek, she laid me down and looked at me with loving eyes. "I'll take you to shopping tomorrow. Just mama and baby. And we'll buy lots of good clothes and toys for you!" She exclaimed happily, disregarding everything that happened tonight.
"Mama! Mama!" I said softly and raised my hands in excitement. I wanted to be alone with her too. Her eyes widened. My first words....mama, her. She looked more than happy.
Hugging me tightly, she peppered my face with kisses making me giggle. I too held her face in my tiny fists and gave her a peck on her nose. "You're my baby, my Y/N. I love you so much."
Mother's love was something new to me. It's not like my 'mother' didn't love me, but she was never this affectionate. Could it be that my this life is a chance to redeem myself? But do I even deserve it? I wonder how many people wished for me to die. I wasn't a good person but this person in front of me, my mother, she loves me.
Would she love me even after knowing what kind of person I really was...am? I want to change. For her. But the fact that I've done so many bad things that I do not deserve forgiveness.
I looked at my mother's happy face. Maybe I can try to become a better person...for her. I do believe that I do not deserve to live, but if my life can give her some happiness, then I'm willing to stay alive for eternity.
This was the day Y/N for the very first time felt loved.
