You dont get to tell me im toxic
only she can
because your cheska wasnt my cheska
cheska who never adjusted isnt your cheska
my cheska was cold, her mood was indistinguishable. not yours
my cheska was distant, she never told me anything. not yours
my cheska never let me visit her, but yours was willing to fly miles over there
my cheska tried to use money to love me. not yours
my cheska invalidated my relapses numerous times, yours comfort you
my cheska didnt even buy me a gift for my birthday, yours would give you the world
my cheska had me when she was broke and at her lows, now shes not and shes yours
my cheska didnt reassure me when i needed it the most. yours dont
my cheska made me feel unloved. not yours
my cheska made me question my worth. not yours
my cheska told me numerous times inconsistently that she would change. not yours
my cheska made me think that i was ugly thats why she treats me like shit. not yours
my cheska blamed me for things she never opened nor tried to tell me about. not yours
my cheska couldnt show her affection. not yours
my cheska didnt even say i love you first. not yours
my cheska, till this day, makes me feel like im just a phase for someone to grow out of and be ready for another. now shes yours
i have given everything up even myself for her, and ik you wont. but thats irrelevant because she already lost my trust and she gained yours.
up to this day i carry that pain, the trauma of not being enough, the trauma of being a character development phase for someone.
you dont ask yourself "san ako nag kulang" after draining yourself up for cheska only to be a phase for her to be better for someone else
so you dont get to tell me im toxic
if anyone can tell me im toxic its those who know our story
i may have forgiven her but that doesnt mean ive stopped questioning my worth
shes the only one who can call me out and say im toxic. not you
go touch some grass
