Back to You

Favorite Mistake

It might've been a mistake but it was never wrong. We were each other's right person wrong time.

Song for this chapter: Chale Aana

Teja's POV:

I sit there on a floor of a trailer that isn't mine and cry my heart out. After spending three months suppressing everything I felt for him, the emotions had to come out one day or another. In my mind I live out all our memories and remind myself that I don't need him but a voice in the back of my mind nags me that I never felt as complete as I did with him. I still try to tell myself that this time maybe I'll get over him.

Every tear that falls down my check reminds me that he still affects me without even trying. Spending a day or so around him and I'm this hurt? It's always been like this though. Me this carefree and bubbly girl who never lets anyone affect her, has always been affected by him. From the beginning I've wanted his attention to the point that I confronted him the second week in the house when I felt like he was ignoring me.

It's always been him with this unfair influence on me that I don't think he's ever recognized. I built up walls trying to push him out but he broke them down and made his place so well that I still can't get him out. I thought I protected myself well this time but one line from him and I'm no better off then I was three months ago.

Three months ago I promised myself I wouldn't cry over him again. Three months ago I promised myself I wouldn't think about him. Three months ago I promised myself I would get over him.

Three months ago I told myself the same lie that I'm telling today.

Three months ago he walked away from me leaving me in the same position I am today.

Three months ago:

Bittersweet. That's all I feel

It's the moment after the finale and I won with Karan on the finale stage with me. Our dream came true but neither of us were happy. Physically the moment is right but everything else is wrong. We haven't spoken one word to each other in the past week and the three weeks before that were ugly.

Both of us accusing each other of lying, playing games against each other, not trusting each other, doubting each other's feelings etc. Truthfully we had fought about these topics earlier too. Now the only difference was there was no patch up.

Resentment festers when no one takes the chance to sort things out. Distance builds when the only time you talk to one another is to accuse each other. Then pride kicks in and convinces you that you were right. That gap builds and builds until one day you go silent on each other. Now in that silence you're left feeling so alone, thinking fighting with them was better than this indifference.

That's the moment Karan and I find ourselves in. I hug my loved ones and thank them for their kind words but I don't hear anything. The words running through my mind are when we said it doesn't matter who wins the trophy because it's going home. Little did we know that home would fall apart so quickly.

Every few seconds our eyes meet and I keep praying for him to say something to break this silence between us. I always thought I glowed when his attention was on me but without it I feel like I'm withering. Slowly dying inside at the thought of this silence becoming permanent.

He hugs the last of the ex-contestants and starts walking towards the exit from the stage. As if he can feel my eyes on him he turns around. In this crowd of people all I wanted was him near me but he's the only one trying the hardest to get away from me. Our eyes lock for a minute and in that moment I can't see or hear anything else around me. It's him monopolizing my attention, it's always been him.