The Girl on the Sidelines || TAENNIE

[ 𝘅𝘅𝘅𝗶 ] 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗿𝘁𝘆 𝗼𝗻𝗲

┗━𝗝𝗲𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗲'𝘀 𝗣𝗢𝗩 | Welcome to the Kim Household.
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𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗿𝘁𝘆 𝗼𝗻𝗲.

When is the world worth living when motivation keeps leaving day after day, after witnessing the cruelties the world has to offer?

After losing hope and motivation, I forced myself to be optimistic when there are times when I just want to give up.

I cheered myself up, listened to brain reset things on Youtube, but it doesn't work.

The only person who comforts me is only myself. I have no one to lean on.

The pressure, the anxiety, the things that I should and not do are...suffocating me. I can't breathe like I'm getting choked.

Whenever I felt tired living, I just stare at videos of clouds on my phone at night, letting tears flow from my eyes. They're so beautiful, it looks so peaceful up there.

I love how despite the rainy days, the sky would be colorful again, bursting with beautiful colors that were once covered in dark grey clouds.

I want to be like the sky, but unfortunately, I couldn't be colorful. I couldn't be beautiful, as I hate my wellbeing.

My heart clenched when I shakily held myself, tears dropping on the cemented floor without stopping.

I gasped, inhaling as much oxygen as I could, my vision getting blurry, I let out a sarcastic laugh.

"I knew it, I deserve this for being alive," I muttered under my breath, the view in front of me started to turn black.

Maybe...

Maybe it's time for me to be up there.

To be one with the beautiful clouds, no one would be sad anymore.

The world will be a more beautiful place if I'm gone. Yeah, it sounds nice...

I sat up, gasping for air when I awoke from a deep slumber. I looked around the room and my face paled at the sight.

No, I don't wanna be here...

I must have been brought back to this hell.

I heard a knock on the door, I immediately hid below the comforters, shaking.

Muttering to myself that this is not real, I'm just dreaming. I was supposed to be dead earlier, this must have been the before-going-up-memory stuff, right?

The knock became a bang, I shut my eyes closed and hugged my knees while I wait for the banging to stop, sadly that didn't happen.

"Jennie Kim! W-Wake up already! You need to cook, you lazy bum!" father's slurred yell sent chills down my spine. He's drunk again.

I gulped, slowly lowered the comforter, and grabbed a nearby hoody, then some thick leggings. I checked the mirror to make sure my hair is in a bun. My eyes caught my attention when it was noticeably all red, probably from crying earlier, but it's okay.

I sighed, heading back to the door that was still being banged from my father. My hand twisted the lock, igniting a click, the banging stopped. Opening the door to see him in such a state.

His hair was messy, his necktie was untied. The white polo looks like it was about to rip off.

I kept my face blank, to hide the feeling I had from the stench.

"Y-Yes father?" I asked in a low voice.

"Huh? I can't hear you!" he said, irritatedly, stepping closer. I bit my lower lip and said it again, he got ticked all of the sudden.