34 seconds of falling ✔

15. pierce ravin

I signed to join the outing because I don't want to deal with family matters for now. My mom is making a fuss about special dinner. If they'd talk only business, hindi ko alam kung bakit dapat akong kasali roon.

I'm tired of dealing with it. I felt the need to run away.

"Magsisimula na ang treasure hunting!" sabi ng class president namin. May kumpulang babaeng lumapit sa akin. Isang buwan na ang nakalipas pero hindi pa rin nagbabago ang mga tingin nila sa akin. They always stare at me, making me feel uncomfortable.

"May ka-partner ka na ba sa treasure hunting?" nag-uunahan silang tatlo. I did a quick glance before I answered, "I won't participate," at kaagad din silang tinalikuran.

Nagpunta ako sa likod ng cottage para mag tingin-tingin na rin sa ibang parte ng lugar. Hinanap ko sa bulsa ang mini ipod ko and I remember, I left it with Destine kanina. Hindi ko lang nakuha kasi tulog na tulog siya. I had to seat beside her sa bus. Wala akong pakialam kung sino ang katabi ko as long as hindi niya ako papakialaman. But she's Destine, she's always have the move to talk to me leading to piss me off. Wala rin naman akong choice, wala na kasing vacant na seats. And because of that, she messed up my playlist.

And speaking of, I saw Destine hopping around like a wild grasshopper. Hinila-hila niya 'yung tahimik naming kaklase, the one who always wear hoodie jacket. Tinatago ang mukha sa public. Napailing na lang ako, he's really weird.

"Dapat manalo tayo, Inoue!" It's just a cheap price, why work hard on it?

Never mind, I'm not fond of games and its prizes.

Umikot ako at nag-iba ng daan. Maybe I just need to get away from something that stresses me out. And this place is perfect. It's turning lunch time at abala pa sila sa paglalaro. I grab a biscuit while walking around. I just find the peace and serenity that I miss for the past seventeen years. Kahit tahimik sa bahay ay hindi ko kailanman nakamtan. It's just empty and guilt living inside of me.

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"Don't worry, my dad is a doctor! He can cure you from whatever pain! I will talk to him." the voice of an innocent child passed at the back of my mind.

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Kapag nasa bahay ako, parati ko na lang naalala iyon. Parang nakikita ko pa ang batang iyon sa iba't ibang sulok, enchanting the same lines, killing me with guilt.

Yeah, right. It was the most painful memory that I shouldered since that night. My mom forced me to forget. I just can't. I just can't forget it.

Nagtungo ako sa may ilog. The scenery is breathtaking. I took a picture of the river flowing and the wild trees. I stared there for almost an hour, contemplating of what should I do with this life. I'm involving Ellie to my own issues, and I'm turning my back to my family... but I don't want to fake pretend that I'm okay. Ellie will grow up in that empty mansion and she'll realize how lonely and suffocating it was, just like I did now. Even if this is called running away, I just want to protect her.