Layla

together

My episode lasts longer then anyone could imagine , both jared and misha asked if we shouldn't go see a hospital. After a few hours both of them leave , being tired after today and needing the sleep for tomorrow. " I'm sorry I'm doing this to you " jensen mutters somewhere close by. I want to answer him , he has to know its not his fault. " in all honesty I wanted to end us , I dont want to drag you In all of this. You are not strong enough and I refuse to let my kind of life break you. " he mumbles deep in thought I assume. He wanted to end us ? Over this? Am I this weak ? I feel my finger move . Yes ! I'm slowly returning. " I Dont know " jensen sighs to respond what I assume was a thought of himself. I blink my eyes and see a white ceiling. I turn my eyes left and right. I'm very sure I am in a hotel room and as far as I can tell jensen is sitting next to me leaning against the head of the bed. He glances and sees me looking at him. " hey,  welcome back " he says softly giving a weak smile. I blink my eyes lazily as I await the full return of my body.  Softly jensen strokes my cheek. I move my hand to catch his. The movement makes me feel like a sloth as its very slow but I manage to get his hand either way. " jensen ?" I say softly as to try and see if I can use my voice. He squeezes my hand " hey " . I give him a weak smile and try to sit up. After a few tries and some help of jensen I manage to sit up and lean against the head bord of the bed. " I need to know now " I say still half whispering although I want to scream or be harsh. " do you want me for ever or do you want me to go. I need to know now before I get myself in to deep " unfortunately I realise it is already to deep as his fans saw my face and I'm probably already on the Internet. He studies my face for a while. " the truth please , don't soften it for me " I say my voice getting stronger as ever muscle in my body is responding to the stress and is ready to run away. " it's no cake walk my life " jensen says looking away. " and you worry I am not strong enough ? !" I finish his sentence before he can. He nods his head while looking down. " they will destroy you , only because you are my girlfriend " I put my hand under his chin and force him to look at me. " its a price I am willing to pay " I say looking into his eyes. Carefully he removes my hand to look away again . " it's not a price I am willing to pay " he bitterly says . " I could never live with myself knowing my selfishness destroyed you ". Angrily he gets of the bed and start pacing the floor. " I hardly doubt it's your decision " I grumble at him as best as I can. I force my body to get up and out of the bed. I manage to land on my feet a little wobbly. " and I decide I want to take the risk jensen. I'd rather risk getting destroyed as you say it but be with you then knowing what I can't have and destroying myself with grief " I take a few wobbly steps towards him but my knees end up too weak and I fall on the floor angry with myself and jensen. He rushes towards me but stops himself half way. " jensen , I need time to adjust to all this but I can do this , I know I can . You wanna know why? " I look up at him but he is still looking away from me.

When he doesn't answer I decide to continue talking " because of you and jared and misha and the woman. I found my place in your family and it feels like home and for me that's a first. I never had a family or people to call home and I am willing to do whatever it takes to protect that. BUT in the end its your choice. If your tired of me , or don't find me worth the risk or any other reason you don't want me in your life anymore . I'll get up now and walk out of it with the promise that you will never see or hear me again" I take a deep breath and look down at my hands waiting for him to make up his mind. Hoping that whatever he chooses will make him the happiest. Two soft hands help me get up. I look up to jensen looking down at me , his hair tickling his cheeks. " promise that whenever something is wrong or you've had enough you will talk to me ?! " he asks softly leaning his head against mine and closing his eyes.

" I promise I will , but so should you " I half bite back at him. He takes my head between his hands and gives me a soft kiss. " I will " he whispers. Carefully he guides me back to the bed while the air gets lighter. I can feel the worst part is over. " just promise me I never have to go on stage again " I chuckle as he helps me sit in the bed again. He chuckles softly " for now " he jokes with care " I don't even want you near a stage ". He winks at me before taking his place next to me on the bed.