Nothing to You (a switz fanfic)

~2~

Cameron flicked on the lightswitch as he stepped inside his small apartment. He checked the time on the analog clock just as it clicked monotonously to 11:47 pm. It seemed it was always this time of day.
The dishes were piled in the sink and as much as he wanted to he couldn't bring himself to look at them. So instead, he took out his phone and flopped down on the couch. He stared vaguley passed the open phone displaying a twitter thread to ponder and reconsider
every small occurunce of that night. He hated himself for this, for thinking and feeling so deeply about every interaction he had. 'did i say something wrong? do something wrong?' 'should i have smiled more? less? asked them to explain, explained myself.' he sighed loudly and threw his now timed out phone to the bottom of the couch. Rolling over and letting his body flop to the floor until he was on his hands and knees beside the couch. He propped himself up, standing and moving back to the kitchen. Scratching his chest and stomach he stood in front of the open fridge, searching for anything that might fill him, or rather, distract him.
"grapes.." he said aloud in a mocking tone, "yes Cameron, grapes to fill the void.." he rolled his eyes and grabbed the bag of grapes, along with the cold beer that was demanding consumption. He stepped back into the living room, letting the fridge door slam loudly on its own. Plopped down to begin the search for the elusive remote, which was quickly recovered from between the cushions. Turning on his tv he felt the couch buzz against his thigh, looking to his lit up phone before grabbing it. He rolled his eyes as he unlocked it, opening messages and finding the new text from Ryan, 'hey i know its late but we're doing a camping trip the day after tmw, need to get over to the house so yous can shop and stuff for the vlog,' He popped another grape into his mouth and exhaled heavily. This meaning he only had a single day to himself before having to be social for the minimum of a week. He ate a few more grapes from his palm, warming them in his mouth before bursting them one at a time. Before zipping the bag closed and standing up, taking his beer from the table and finishing the last sips sitting the empty can back down with a hollow ting.

Cam stares at the ceiling from his back in the bed, he pinches the tips of each of his fingers one at a time, counting lowly as he was taught in counseling. It wasn't like he hated his friends or that he didn't enjoy their company, just that each moment seemed to make his chest tighter when he was stood next to Swagger. Even the thought of it now forced him to clench his eyes shut and breathe deeply. Another buzz from beside his warming body, the notification illuminating his dark room. Clicking back open and finding a short text, 'hey, you can share a room with me but swagger says he has a couch in his room, just lmk kiwi,'
Tobi never failed to make him feel included despite no longer living with the rest of the lads. ... Oh fuck... Oh fuck. He types quickly, 'Ill prob crash on the living room couch for that night, thank you Tobes.' Dropping his phone back to the bed, and rolling over to his side. He searches in the dark for something to occupy his racing brain. 'Why do I do this?' he thought. Knowing once around the people he feared so much he'd be fine. (if not for Eric) He'd laugh and smile, and gain the confidence that he couldn't for the life of him grasp once alone in his room. Alone in his head. He began counting, slowly, each breath until his mind was empty. He felt the sleep creep into his body, the fog and warmth of rest. 'eighty.. four.... eighty five..... eighty..'

° ° °

Cameron was amazed with himself, sat outside the misfits house with a neatly packed suitcase, his dishes at home all clean and house tidy. (He'd even managed to get the clean clothes inside his closet) He smiled again as he rang the doorbell. 'What do I have to worry about?.. Ive got it altogether.' His bright smile meeting a short mans scowl as the door swung open suddenly. Greeted by an, "oh.. hey.." before Swag turned from the door left ajar and sauntered off to the open kitchen. His smile daring to fade he stepped inside. "Hi there, Eric!" he reciprocated cheerfully, sitting his suitcase beside the door and closing it. Eric only waved him off, taking a bottle from the counter and tipping a honey colored liquid into a short glass. "Good to see you too," he chirped as he walked past him to the back patio door. Stepping out into the sun and finding the rest of the group talking excitedly over each other. "Ah, there you are" Tobi greeted, his enthusiastic smile met with her own familiar one. Zuckles whipped his head awkwardly over his shoulder to find Cam. "There he fucken is! The legendd" Things clicked rather quickly as Cameron realized they'd all been on the piss. He slapped his hands down on Mason's shoulders, playfully pinching them. "So how many, eh?" He asked jokingly as he looked around the table at the empty bottles and small shot glasses before his friends goofy, guilty faces. "Only a few, innit?" Mason says, cocking his head up to face Cameron with a toothy grin. He rolled his eyes and took the empty seat at the end of the table, only after grabbing a cold BB longneck from the open cooler and popping the lid. "So are we not shopping today?" He asked doubtfully with a laugh. Followed by more from the group, "We are actually," Tobi responded, "Ryan's picking us up around 6" He took his phone from his pocket to find they had around 4 hours to sober up. "Right.." He laughed before tipping the beer up to his lips.

It was now 3:58, he knew because it was bouncing around the idle tv screen in Tobi's empty room. He found himself here because it was quiet, the sound of chattering and laughter coming from downstairs. He always felt guilty about the time he took away from social gatherings like this one. Time meant to be spent catching up and planning for the filming to come. He took the final swig of his drink before standing from the bed, walking to the door just as Swagger passed it. He stopped in his tracks, waiting for him to enter his bedroom before continuing. But, his stomach dropping, Swagger reappeared in the open doorway, a curious smirk on his face. "What are you doin in here?" He asked as he poked his head inside and glanced around. Cam shrugged, searching around himself for a possible response. Coming up with none he shrugged again, "iunno.." Swagger nodded, his lips pursed. "Wanna smoke?" He pointed toward his room, "I gotta sober up if we're gonna shop" The shorter laughed. Cameron chuckled quietly and raised an eyebrow, "Sober up by getting high?" He nodded in response, "Yep." To which Cameron shrugged open palmed, "fuck it.." Swagger left from the doorway and Cameron followed, sitting the empty glass bottle on a small table near Tobi's door. His confidence now fading as he realized what hed just, oh so, carelessly agreed to. He cursed himself under his breath, wiping his stupid sweaty palms on his thighs. Swagger opened the door and stepped inside moving to the shelf full of smoking apparatuses. Only now turning toward Cam standing awkwardly in the doorway, quickly dropping his arm that was rising toward the shelf. "..would you come inside?" he asked a bit annoyed. "Which one do you want to use?" He finished his thought, raising his hand again to the second shelf full of bongs. Cameron stepped over, careful to appear careless, before selecting a blue short bong at random. Swagger rolls his eyes quickly and picks it up, carrying it to his desk. Cameron sits on the bed nearest it, stiff and straight as he watches the shorter pack the bowl. "Have you like reverted back to monke brain being by yourself for this long?" Swag asked sarcastically as he handed his friend the bong. Cameron took it "casually" reaching in his shirt pocket for a light. He nodded jokingly, "I've actually taken up painting caveman art on my walls recently." He hits it, "I think theyre really going to take off soon." his voice pinched with smoke. Swag nodded and chuckled before taking it back from Cams outstretched hand.