Nothing to You (a switz fanfic)

~8~

He grabbed his phone from the counter, wearing gray sweatpants and a white tee shirt, his damp towel draped over his shoulders. He threw the towel on the island counter and unlocked his phone, only at forty percent. He had a few notifications and a voicemail. He clicked the last and listened to Eric's whisper. "I'm not sure what happened to you.. I'm pretty drunk though.. and i couldnt leave you there.. I hope this isnt creepy.. I just wanted to talk to you but you're sleeping.. ive been watching you for a little bit.. Im sorry.. you snore, ya know that? kinda loud.." He paused and a shuffle could be heard from the sheets. "I dont want to wake you so I guess I'll go now.. I hope I dont regret leaving this.. I-.. you'r-.. bye" Cameron stood silently, his lips slightly parted. He felt immensely confused by this whole situation, all of Eric's sudden effort to earn his trust. He thought about calling back but decided not to, instead he checked his notifications. 'Oh fuck.' The words slipped quietly as the image he'd been mentioned in loaded. Him on the couch last night, Melody by his side her hand on his crotch. He studied the picture, feeling nauseous, staring at their lips connected, their bodies entwined on the couch. 'fuck... no.. no no no.' His breath was in his throat as he continued scrolling up his feed. 'oh god..' Someone had mentioned him in a tweet from Melody, explaining that her and her boyfriend had broken up. He felt sick, He couldn't be the cause of this.. and publicly? He was ruined. Surely he was ruined. He closed Twitter with his heart fluttering and palpitating.
Open his messaging app to see that Tobi had blown him up. 'hey.. there are some pics on Twitter..' He chewed at his lip, 'i talked to Ryan for you, he's gonna call later'
'it'll be ok Kiwi, and ik you had no idea' He shook his head, feeling a prick in the bridge of his nose. He attempted to rub it away, wiping the few tears that came. He sat his phone down and grabbed the ciggarettes he'd bought on his walk. Stepping on to the back patio and lighting one between his fingers.

°°°

He woke to his phone ringing on the nightstand, and caught it as it buzzed off the edge of the table. He cleared his throat and answered, "hello?" Eric's familiar voice came over the other end. "Hey Cam"
He sat there for a bit, still confused about all that had happened, "I got your voicemail.." he said quietly. "Oh, fuck.. yea i forgot about that.." Eric chuckled awardly. "I was um.. calling to say sorry about this morning.. I didnt want to leave you there.." He explained with short timid pauses. "I had a therapy appointment and I can't really afford to miss them.. or so my doctor says." Cameron shrugged by habit, before adding, "it's fine.. you did enough last night.." He scratched at his chest under his tee. "Do you wanna talk about what happened?.." Cameron laughed softly, "You're the therapee, I thought?" Eric laughed along before saying in a more serious tone, "I want to be here for you.. like we used to be, y'know?" Cameron felt a little weight release somewhere inside, a knot untwist. "I'm sure you can piece it together.. have you seen Twitter?.." There was a pause and Eric cleared his throat. "Those pictures? Yea I've seen.." There was a longer pause before Cam replied, "Well.. yea.. Someone must of told her boyfriend because he came looking for me as soon as we were done.." Eric readjusted the phone against his ear, "Oh.. I wasn't sure if it was true.." Cameron felt a little.. guilty? He cleared his throat quietly and bit his lip in thought, unable to find a response. After a bit of silence Eric finally added, "Anyway.. it wasn't my business.. We can talk later." And before Cam could respond, he'd hung up, leaving him to stare at his phone for a brief moment. Even more confused than before, he clicked the voicemail and listened to it twice before leaving bed. He added water to his kettle and opened a cup of noodles. Scrolling Reddit as he waited, but it was just as bad as Twitter so he closed the app and sat his phone back down. It was only 5 pm, and he felt he'd already been home too long. Everything here was too quiet, a feeling he hadn't had since he stopped doing blow. A few months ago it'd ultimately been Eric who convinced him to stop. Back when sleeping in each other's bed was an every other night thing. The kettle switch flipped and pulled him out of his head. He poured the steaming water into the cup and sealed the top with his chopsticks. He was emptying the rest into the sink when his phone rang again, he sat the kettle down and answered Ryan's call hesitantly. "..hey.." he started quietly. Ryan only sighed, "You should've let the blow alone Cameron.." Who nodded solemnly, regretting every second. "You haven't posted anything right?" Cam shook his head before replying, "no, nothing." Ryan clicked his tongue, "Well there isnt much to be done.. just avoid posting for a bit. And I mean everywhere, right? Not Youtube, not Reddit, not fucking MySpace. Ok?" Cameron nodded again, "ok." "Alright, well take care of yourself Cam, this'll blow over.." Cameron nodded, "ok." "Bye" Cam responded and hung up. Looking at the noodles he felt sick again. He grabbed them anyway and sat down at the couch, putting on Hulu and picking a random movie.
He wasnt all that invested, and once his noodles were gone he found himself scrolling Twitter, looking at all the zoomed in bulge pictures and fans of either of them, arguing that they could've done better. He rolled his eyes and kept scrolling when his doorbell rang. He didn't have to think about who it was before opening the door. Eric standing awkwardly on his porch. "Hey.." He was wearing a Peach Pit hoodie Cam had gifted him, 'this is trying too hard..' "Hey Eric." He left the door open for him to follow inside. Sitting back in his spot at the couch. "What're you watchin'?" Eric joined him across the sofa. Cameron shrugged before turning the volume down. "I wasn't really watching it.." He looked to Eric who sat cross legged after toeing off his shoes by the couch. "I don't really understand you.." He added, keeping eye contact with Eric. Who flashed an awkward smile. "what d'ya mean?" Cameron smoothed out his white tee, pulling it down at the waist. "You know what I mean.." he searched his face calmly. "What changed for you?" Eric sighed and thought briefly. "That day before the party really opened my eyes to how much I was hurting you.. I didn't realize. Honest I didnt.. and I'm sorry." Cameron felt embarassed, his cheeks growing hot. He shook his head, "You didn't do anything.. don't be stupid." Eric sniffled, but Cam didn't dare look over at him again. "I- I've been trying to work through my shit.. I don't know why I'm like this.. I-" Cameron interruped, "like what?" His eyes glued to the floor.He heard Eric stand up suddenly, he groaned, "Lik- ..Like fucking.. stupid.. I couldnt have what I wanted so I destroyed what I had?! How does that make any sense?" Cam could hear him pacing now, his knee bounced nervously. He wanted to play dumb but it was painfully clear what Eric meant. To Cam at least. "You've been trying lately though.. more than I deserve.." Eric grumbled again, "Thats the fucking thing Cam, you do deserve it! And you deserved it that entire time I treated you like shit 'cause I hated myself.." He was really letting it fly now, his pacing speeding up. Cameron watched his feet, paralyzed. "I fucking hated myself Cameron.. and I hated you for what you made me feel.." Cameron caught his eye for a millisecond before darting back to the spot on the floor. His cheeks were fire, his mouth a desert, "I-.." He tried before closing his lips and looking down to his hands. "You've already moved on.." Eric mumbled as if he'd known this all along. Cameron shook his head fiercely, catching Eric's eye. "Never.." he stated matter-of-factly. "I just.. I need a bit.." Eric nodded solemnly, sitting back on the couch. "You have feelings for her too.." He mumbled sadly, Cameron only scoffed through his nose, "you're bad at guessing.. just stop.." Eric grumbled, "I dont know how to talk about this shit.. I'm just confused.." his voice raised a little. Cameron looked at him with a soft smile, then a frown before he looked away. "Are you only telling me all this because she made you jealous?.." Eric rolled his eyes and shook his head. "I told you.. Ive been working on things." He fidgeted with his fingers, "but I don't like looking at the pictures to be honest.." Cameron felt a little sad. "I just needed you to be my friend.." He stared at a hangnail on his ring finger. "You were the only person I wanted to talk to about it.." Eric scratched at his head slowly through his hair before chuckling dryly. "I felt the same way.. I thought about driving over here everynight.." He trailed off sadly. Cameron shook his head, biting his lip and sealing the sob that was coming. "I'm so sorry Cam.. I really hope you can forgive me.. I need you back.." Cameron sat up, his elbows on his knees, he rested his head in his hands. "I just need to be alone for a bit.. I think.." Without another word Eric headed to the door and paused before he left the apartment silently.