Nothing to You (a switz fanfic)

~5~

For the first time in.. possibly just the first time, Cam came home to a clean apartment. He slung the tent and backpack in his living room closet thought immediately about the mess being hidden away. The mess he'd made of his friendship, the whole group. He saw the looks everyone gave him and Eric. The 'just grow up and get over it,' 'why do my mates suddenly hate each other,' looks. He wanted nothing more than to forget, to take it all back. He'd never been attracted to guys before Eric, and never dreamed of kissing him. 'it was mutual!!' he exclaimed in his head as he flopped down on his bed. 'oh fuck, thats nice.' The memory foam mattress hugged his body like an old friend. The stress and dirt had warped his spine into a serpent shaped mass.

°°°

He had no idea he'd fallen asleep until he woke to a car alarm on his street. Groggily he searched for his phone to turn off the alarm but couldnt find it. Eyes shut, hands reaching all over the matress. He sighed heavily and lay palms up as he realized he was a moron. 'and a faggot..' he stood from the bed, rubbing his right eye with the back of his knuckle. He started into the living room and quickly spotted his phone on the coffee table, leaving the hallway to grab it. '4:16' Again he sighed, shuffling over to his couch. He turned on his Playstation with a familar beep and spent the rest of the night playing Red Dead.

°°°

It was 2:54 pm, Cam was hunting a virtual bear when his phone buzzed. Blinking rapidly at the bright transition to his screen he read the text, 'Party at the house later to celebrate new milestone. Have to be there. See you at 4.' He closed Ryan's contact and sighed heavily, looking to the empty bottle of gin he'd polished off by 12 pm. He hated himself for it, but that never stopped him. He stood up and staggered a bit, grabbing his head quickly. "mmph.." He swayed silently for a moment before shuffling off to the bathroom. Eyes bloodshot he brushed his teeth monotonously, 'fuck Ryan' he spat and turned the faucet. 'fuck the whole group..' He picked up his phone and replied cheerfully, 'omw!' Looking again at his deadpan, garbage-fire face in the mirror. 'fuck you.' His own crystal eyes staring back at him, he slaps his cheek harshly. 'he doesnt care about you.' He turns from his reflection to turn on the shower, stripping down and not daring to face himself again. Scrubs his body, under his nails, the soles of his feet, protruding collarbones; never feeling quite clean enough. Ultimately he takes a seat in the warm stream, hugging his knees, and counts slowly. '1.. 2.. i know he doesnt feel how he acts.. he kissed me back I know he did.' He slaps himself again, harder. '1.. 2.. 3.. 4...' he sighs shakily before standing again. Washes his hair and cleans his face before finishing and stepping out. Wrapping the towel around his waist and leaving the bathroom, flicking the lightswitch on his way out. Feeling, admittedly, slightly better, he picked up the bit of trash that'd accumulated from the night. An uber eats bag, chopsticks and some napkins, put his controller back on the tv stand, and was grabbing the empty gin bottle when his doorbell rang. Absentmindedly he walked over to the it and opened the door quickly, his breath stuck in his throat as he was met with Eric. He clutched at the towel on his waist nervously, the bottle held between his two fingers. "I-.. I wa-" Eric clears his throat hurriedly, "I was just gonna offer you a ride to the party if youre coming." Cameron made an effort to look in his driveway seeing Eric's car empty, "Tobi isnt with you?" The shorter shook his head in response, "Matt?" He shook his head again, cheeks slightly red avoiding eye contact. Cameron shifted uncomfortably, confused. "Ermm.. well.. come in.. i guess." He moves from the door to allow him in. His chest feels absurdly hot, yet cold and naked. "I was just straightening up.." Feeling awkward as usual he staggered to the kitchen to toss the bottle. "You've been drinking?" Eric asks with a tinge of what sounds to be concern. Cameron shrugs not looking to the shorter, "a'bit." The bottle thuds into the near empty bin. "Its 3 in the afternoon.." he chuckles slightly. Cameron starts off down the hall, refusing to meet Eric's gaze, "didn't sleep." He closes his bedroom door quietly, feeling as if his body was going to burst into flames. 'why the fuck is he here?!' He pulls a clean pair of boxers and socks from his laundry basket. "why is he fucken' talking to me?.." He drops his towel and pulls the boxers on, opening his closet. 'he doesnt care about me.' A knock at his door, followed by a muffled voice. "What?!" He asks from his closet. "Are you ok?!" Eric shouts back through the door. Cameron rolls his eyes, gripping his face in his hands. "Im fine!!" 'Im too fucking drunk for this.' He hastily pulls a hoody from the rack, slipping it over his head and adjusting his dirty blonde strands. Takes some jeans from the floor and slides them up to his waist. He picks up the socks and seperates them, bending one leg to put the left on. He slips it over his toes, swaying a bit he tries to quickly pull it up, but only ends up colliding his face into the floor. 'what the fuck' he laughs a bit out loud, sitting back up, pulling the sock on and then the next. His door swings open, Eric anxiously looking to the taller. "What happened?" Cam shrugged, "fell," he laughed a bit again, stopping at the taste of blood. He touched his upper lip, wincing at the gash. "Im fine," he sputtered as Eric approached him. He held up his palm toward him, Swag ignoring this and using his arm to pull him up. "Whatthefuck.." Cam groans as he's helped up by the, surprisingly, strong American. "Im fine.." Eric looks up to him worriedly, "I know," he lets go of his arm as Cam sits himself down on the edge of the bed. "What shoes do you want?" Cameron looks at him annoyed, confused as to why he was 'even here.' "What shoes do you want to wear? Where are they?" He shakes his head chuckling slightly, "Converse, by the door." He was beyond too tired to fight, and much too confused to comprehend any of it. 'maybe i've finally snapped and this is my hallucinatory hell.' He hummed defiantly, 'definitely it.' Eric returned with the pair of shoes in one hand, dropping them at Cam's feet with a dull thud. "There." He sat at the edge of the bed. "Why are you here?" He asks sharply, looking directly at him for the first time. "I.. dont know." Eric looks away and scratches at his curls. He shrugs and repeats, "I dont really know.. You stopped talking to me during the trip. I was just worried." Cameron scoffs and bends down to put one shoe on. "Worried about what? You've made it clear you dont want me talking to you.." He slurred as he slipped on his hi-top, picking up the other. "I never said that." He shakes his head, Cam only scoffing again. "I genuinely dont know what you want from me."

He finishes with his shoes and stands up, starting for the door, Eric behind him. "I want you to take care of yourself for starters.." He says as Cameron enters the kitchen, opening his liquor cabinet and taking out a bottle of bourbon. He sits it down and stares at the counter. 'what the fuck is happening right now'
He turns to take a glass from another cabinet, shaking his head in disbelief. "So.. *hiccup* you hate my guts right? Want nothing to do with me.. yet show up here talking about self care and positivity..." he sits the glass down without giving Eric a chance to comment. "You want to help me put my shoes on and act like we're best mates when last week you were threatening me.. Attacking me." Eric searches for a response but only shakes his head, "I-.." Cameron pops the cork from the bottle and pours the dark brown liquid into his glass. "I don't need you Eric, ok? You dont care, I dont care."
The words nearly caved his chest, thinking of how many times he'd answered for the other. Always been there, never turned him away. Even when he was drunk and reeling and unraveling. Cameron had picked up the pieces everytime. "I do care!" Eric pleads, placing a hand on Cam's shoulder. "Dont fucking touch me!" Cameron seethes, the confusion and pain bubbling up into his throat like hot stones. "What the fuck did I do to make you so repulsed?!" He turns to Eric, towering over him, his body shaking slightly, teeth clenched, "Hm?!" He slams a hand down onto the countertop next to the smaller with a loud slap. Eric flinches, his eyes wide and mouth gaped, fully dumbfounded by this side of the taller, frightened. "I never meant to make you this upset.." Eric says quietly, looking away from the taller. He runs a hand through his curls and steps away, leaning against the counter. "I still dont want to talk about what happened at.. Christmas, but I need you to know that I'm not angry at you for it.." His eyes search the others and slowly Cam can feel his heart beat slow, his mind quieten. Eric looks away again, seemingly having said all he wanted. Cameron looks to the floor, a chip in the corner of one of his white kitchen tiles. He felt the truth slip away again, his anger with it. Not strong enough to rip it from Eric in this fashion. Defeated, he turns back to the newly opened bottle, pouring a hefty glass. "It's fine.." he mumbles, "We have to go soon," he takes a drink. "I'm sorry Cam." Eric says from behind, the words hanging in the silent room. The taller only shrugs picking up his glass and bottle and moving to the couch. "Wanna watch sunny?" He questions without turning back to the shorter, his presence across the couch answering him silently.