Growing Up

Part 36.

Dear Sirius.

I miss when you and I snuck off to have tea In 7th year and talk about our boyfriends. Do you miss that too? I'm feeling quite lonely these days now that The Order has locked us up. The meetings attempt to make the best of it, and I must say I cannot stand it. Im not sure how many of those I have left in me, they can't all just laugh until I cry. I could only wish one day they lock us all up in the same quartered hell so I could be with my family. I'm glad they're finally letting James move in with me, now Harry could stop cooing for his "dada". It's weird not having someone around to share my husband, Sirius. I'm afraid the only thing that Harry will remember of you is his little black dog if things don't change. I miss you.

Love,
-Lily P.

My love,

I'm tired of reading, if you could even believe that. Ive drank my weight in coffee, and I'm not sure how much longer I can take eating this crappy chocolate Peter sent me. He must know me better than that, you would think. Im stalling, aren't I? I haven't been this alone in years, I feel so empty. I've not had a full night of sleep in days. Our old life feels postcard, settled. I can only imagine how you're doing. I used to enjoy being alone, I blame you for undoing it all. I would do anything to see you right now. I hope these desolate nights are just stories we can all laugh about in a few months, because for the first time in my recent life, I don't understand what's happening. And I'm terrified

Yours only,
-Remus Lupin

james

im sorry i haven't sent anything recently. i've been busy with the order. they're running me amok. it's making me nervous. really, james. it's like a dark cloud over my head. voldemort has plans, big plans. im scared of how this will end.

-peter.

James,

Prongsie, save me from this retched home! I hate being alone in grimmauld place. I feel like a ghost, drifting in and out of empty hallways and cluttered rooms. Why would they put me here? I've had enough punishment for three lifetimes. It's weird without reggie here, and i can't bring myself to look at his portrait yet. I think if i did, i would- i don't know, i don't know if i can bring myself to write it down. I need to see our little one, i can't believe you're still living and breathing without your wizkid. Queen just released a new album, and it's a damn shame that he wasn't the first one to listen to it. i even snuck out to get the album! i'm listening to it while writing this. it's not right that we're all separated. I can't sit here and settle for wrong to ignore the right. By the way, i haven't heard from pete in a while, is he alright? i haven't seen him at any order meetings recently. 

sinsiriusly,
-S.B

Lily,

How are you, dear? Are you getting by? How is Harry? There's so many questions I've been meaning to ask. I'll be a stranger to Harry if this keeps up. I really miss you, Lily. Some days more than Sirius, which is unusual. It's getting hard here alone, im starting to feel claustrophobic. I used to like it, the quiet was the only place I could think clearly. It used to be the only place I knew who I was, I was born in the quiet, and now I fear I might die in it. Now i'm thinking too much. I heard you and James moved back in. That's good, Harry needs his dad and his mother needs a nap. Maybe I can send a letter to the order about Sirius and I moving back in. I wish I could see you, I hate it here.

Love,
Remus Lupin.

My truest love,

I'm so excited I could barely take a break from packing my stuff to write this. How are you, dear? Are you getting sleep? Are you eating? I'm your husband, you know i'm going to ask. How my son? Man, I bet he's gotten so big. I'm not used to such a quiet environment, I'm certainly not used to feeling safe in my home without Sirius constantly attempting to throw things at me or running into things he's set up. I have to be honest, Lils. I'm almost ashamed. I feel like a shit father, being away from you and him so long. I feel so empty, I haven't been alone like this my whole life. I miss my mum and dad, I miss my brothers. I miss you and those pretty eyes of yours. I need to hurry up this packing before my bleeding heart gives out, I guess. I love you.

-Yours only,
J.F.P

Moonsie,

You're stuck in your head, as always. You've got to get out of there sometimes. Today I went to the record store, trotting on the crowded streets is always a pain when there's a child pulling at my fur or a man calling animal control. I heard that James and Lily moved back in together, maybe they could do the same for us? I'll look into it. Maybe we can go to your place, I don't think I can stay in this haunted house for much longer. No, I haven't seen reggie yet, I know you're thinking about it. I try to, you know? I get real close to the door, sometimes i can even get my hand on the knob. But when i do, it's almost like i can hear his voice. And when i hear his voice, i know it will hurt more when it's audible instead of in my head. I feel like throwing up thinking about it. I'll do it one day, but not soon. I think we've gone mad, Moony. What's our next step?

always,
-S.B

Remus,

Hello dear, I'm doing much better and I'm finally well rested. I hope you're the same, it must've been awful last night alone. Did Sirius make it over there? He sneaks out often, it frightens me. I can't tell you how sorry I am, Remus. I hope you're all patched up and doing well. James told me that he was close to you last night, he tried to be. He didn't know if it helped or not, but he had a feeling Sirius was there as well. You can talk more about it to him, I've been around for years and I still don't understand it. Harry misses his Uncle Moony and wishes him well, so do I. Be tough, Remus. It will all be okay.

Love,
Lily P.

My dearest husband.

When will you return to me? It's been far too long for me to be happy any longer. Harry misses his dada, and so do I. There isn't a life i want to remember without you, The Order cannot take away my life. Harry had a nightmare last night, and it was forty minutes until he finally calmed down when I sang him David Bowie. This can't be right, you know? Keeping us all apart. I hope Dumbledore has a good reason. Also, could you ask for the invisibility cloak back? I miss our walks on Hogsmeade with Harry. He's just a baby, you know. He needs to see the world. I'll give it to him if i need to. Please hurry your packing, i might self destruct before you get here.

Truly yours,
Lily P.

Peter,

What do you mean big plans? You're starting to freak me out. How would you know anyway, You haven't been to any of the meetings this week. I know you have "different assignments" but i didn't think they were working you this hard. Have you got any sleep lately? i would give you my invisibility cloak so you could sneak off and get some time to yourself, but Dumbledore asked to borrow it weeks ago. He's been awfully quiet around here, you both have.

pete, what do you know that we don't?

J.F.P

Word count: 1377