Growing Up

Part 77.

"I'm sorry, Lily. I had to."

"You wouldn't understand, he made me do it."

Eyes blurred with tears, Harry's hands reached through the crib, grasping for the red whisps of hair sprawled out across the tile floor. He could hardly breathe through his wailing, choking on his gasps for thin air.

"Harry, Im sorry you never knew more. I'm even more so that this is what you'll remember of me. Maybe one day we'll meet again, if they ever forgive me for what i've done."

The figure walked towards the door and paused, glancing behind him once more. The door shut and he was alone.

Harry woke up on Christmas morning drenched in sweat. He had an odd melancholy feeling in the pit of his stomach, sinking deep into abdomen. He wiped the sweat off his forehead and focused on the wall. His dream was of a dark house, one that wasn't his own. He was being carried down the stairs by Sirius. He looked young, it was a face he almost didn't recognize. His voice was the only indicating factor that it was Sirius instead of some dream figure. He couldn't move in his arms, he could only cry. As he held him, Sirius' face was painted with distraught, a kind he had never seen.

Harry's eyes darted across his room, scanning for more information from the dream, but all he could recall was fog. He felt a salty taste in his mouth and wiped his eyes clean from the tears. It was odd, but he didn't think much of it. Just a nightmare was all. He had them often, he wouldn't let them ruin Christmas.

***
"Poor Sirius, always defenseless," His mother laughed in front of him, her sharp white teeth taunting him.

"Stop, please," He whispered. He couldn't look up at her, she was right; he was defenseless. He wished his summer was over so he could return to James, his real family. This house was just a spawn point for him, he never belonged there. He imagined James' bright grin and squinting eyes and missed him more than anything, he would know what to do.

"You see your brother over there?" She pointed shyly to Regulus' limp body lying on the couch, his breathing shallow and quick. His face was almost peaceful, a calming sight juxtaposed to the constant tears brimming. His eyelids fluttered gently in the depths of his sleep.

"You did that to him. You and your brute words, they could kill you. They could kill him."

"Mummy-" Sirius watched his tears drip to the floor, the dark wood soaking them up. He could feel the rage bubble in his throat, threatening the life and power it wielded over him.

"You will never learn. I raised you to be obedient as I was. The stain you have left on this bloodline will haunt me forevermore. Why couldn't you have just listened!"

"Stop it!" He yelled, his eyes still glued to the floor. Sirius gripped his wand in his hand, his breath heaving.

"Anyone who has ever loved you was wrong!" She screamed as her fists tightened, he knew what was next. It can't happen again, he wouldn't let it. He couldn't contain his anger, it ignited like gas to a flame. The word flowed like water off his tongue, a feeling too familiar for him to speak with hesitation. Blood-red flames shot out the top of his wand, the light carrying evenly at the speed of light.

"Crucio!"

Sirius shot out of bed and gasped, grabbing at his throat. He looked around the dim room, the rosy fingers of dawn grazing the window. His breath caught in his chest painfully. Finally regulating the uneven rise and fall of his flailing chest, he wiped the dripping sweat on his forehead

Remus shifted and opened his eyes, blinking away the sleep left in them.

"What is it?" His hand wearily reached for his wand at the bedside table. If it were actual danger roaming, he'd be dead by the time his palm moved near his wand. The concern was enough to make it thoughtful.