The Citizen Soldier (DNF)

21) Broken

*Clay POV*

There can be only one reason for this. In fact, there is only one reason for this.

I'm literally insane. How much time repressing everything, how much time denying it would it have taken for me to really snap? Snapping good and proper is how madmen end up wanted on the news. Throughout the entire truck ride, I sit without letting any of my confusion, panic, or curiousness show. I seem to have tamed panic.

Hooray.

I was going to be in a padded white box for the rest of my life, obviously for my own safety and others'. I got George hurt just as badly as I hurt myself on that bridge, intentional or no. I swallowed what little saliva had managed to gather on my tongue to try and run it down my parched throat. I smacked my lips a bit to try and wet them, or at least loosen them.

No luck.

I drummed my fingers on my armrest, tapping out an interesting and pretty pattern.

Frowned upon.

I missed being able to express myself through song, or art, I felt an unbearable urge to curl up in a little protective ball, but there was the ADHD counselor, right in front of my face. Thinking back a few seconds before I noticed him. Dead silent, not a word was spoken in between those few seconds.

I jumped a mile and scrambled back for a bit before realizing that I was okay. He hummed and wrote something down on his clipboard. I blinked, sat up, and resumed my previous mental entourage. Then we stopped and I jumped again, looking around wildly until someone took my hand gently in theirs. I slowly and carefully followed, like the hand would hurt me if I even twitched funny. I wasn't focused on the one that was leading me, I focused on the building they were leading me to. I made a strangled noise in my throat as we approached, but I knew that I was just scared. Right?

I shook like a leaf regardless. I didn't have the slightest idea of what or who was behind those doors, but I had a strong aversion to finding out. Tears actually welled up in my eyes at the suggestion. I refused to make even a sound though, it was the best I could do not to cry.

My breathing went shallow, but that's normal for me so it has never once really worried me. The gentle hand kept pulling, but this wasn't like George's pulls mere suggestions and guides. This was a tug that hurt my wrist and made me feel like a trapped animal being led to a bad place, maybe to my death or something. Whatever it was I felt like I was going to be trapped.

I hated that feeling and thought. I wanted to go home. My breathing evened as I was led inside and there were a lot of people there, some I could tell were patients, and others I could tell were caretakers and doctors. The one thing that I could tell for certain was that it was breakfast, and they don't serve it to your rooms here. At the very least, it's a choice on whether or not to come down and talk or just be with people.

A friendly-looking patient waved at me and smiled, and I returned the gesture. My wrist was let go of and I took a few steps forward. Slowly, as if I would be whisked away as soon as the staff could think about it. The moment that I got within touch range the patient was pulling me flush against them in a much more intimate hug than I thought I would be getting at all today. It made me feel only a tad uncomfortable. Not too bad though, so I held the hug.

They pulled away. "Hihihihi! My name is Jenna and I'm here because I have social problems. Most people run away at your point, but you didn't! I can tell we're going to be great friends!" I smiled at them.

"Clay, he/him."

"Oh! I keep forgetting! They/she!" I smiled, they seemed nice, if not over-the-top. Come to think of it, I'd hate to see them drunk. They gave me another hug. "What are you here for?" The question stung a little, but they had no way of knowing, nor did I have anything against them.

"I'm not quite certain actually. I have a few problems." I was vague, I wondered if it worked for a second before they took to my explanation like it wasn't even an issue, like there was no thought behind the fact that someone could lie, even though that's all that I did, all that I was. I was one big lie, I knew it, and I didn't even try to fix it.

They started talking my ear off about some kind of drama that happened a few days ago, and I got confused within about thirty seconds because they started spitting out names I had no affiliation with. The rambling wouldn't stop and I almost felt bad for not following because they were just so pure and wanted to help me get comfortable here. I was sure to be having an extended stay.

I sighed and tried to keep up with the very one-sided conversation. I hummed and nodded in spots that I prayed were right, or at least acceptable, until someone tapped my shoulder and took my hand to lead me somewhere else. I waved goodbye to Jenna and they made a spectacle of their goodbye to me, which made me blush because now all the eyes in the room were on me.

I followed the person that was guiding me to the elevator. Once inside, I waited awkwardly, because my escort didn't seem like the talkative type, despite being a nurse. I just smiled at the elevator wall and pretended that I wasn't there, it usually worked in other situations.

Lo and behold, it worked.

The person led me up to the room that I was supposed to stay in, and when they opened the door for me and escorted me in, it looked rather homey, though it was all a beige and white color palette. I smiled at the effort to make a cell look like a home. I thought that I might cry in front of my escort and had to say something, otherwise, I'd have cried for sure.

"Will I ever see you again?"

"You will, Clay, I promise. I'll be here whenever you need me okay?"

They leaned down onto their knees, smiling at me with their eyes.

"What's your name?" I mumbled it and rubbed my toes into the floor. They just smiled at me again.

"My name is Eret, and I go by any pronouns." They smiled at me, and I smiled back. "I'm going to be your caretaker for a while, okay?"

Eret made me feel safe. Was this what it was like to have an older sibling? They radiated that energy. I smiled wider and nodded again.

I was ushered into the room, and I felt tired so I sat on the bed, yawned, and laid back. The last thing that I saw before slipping into unconsciousness was Eret smiling, waving, and closing the door behind them.

I just hoped that it wasn't locked.