The Citizen Soldier (DNF)

28) Dream

*Clay POV*

Some of the guys around here have started to call me 'Dream' because of how often I get triggered into waking nightmares, daydreaming, and sleepwalking. Honestly, I liked the name, but I didn't like how I acquired it, because it was incredibly painful to go through, even all alone with nobody to see my insanity. Now everyone here was seeing how incredibly pathetic I was, and it was starting to rub me the wrong way, I was starting to panic a lot more often than normal, and the waking nightmares were only getting worse.

Honestly, even though I never really had felt normal, this was making me feel like an alien to mankind.

I stopped pacing and gathered my confidence, making my move to open my door. I stopped for a second, my hand hovering and shaking slightly over the round handle. What was I going to do out there, play checkers and lose? Talk to nuts? What even was my goal here?

I looked behind me and I could see the engraving of my new name across the wall in full refurbished detail, and it gave me enough confidence to push open that door and resolve to just open the door and step out of my room already. I swallowed when I started down the hallways, the dreamscape leaking into my reality. I closed my eyes and shook my head to clear it.

Blinking again, now in the proper lighting, I went down to the lounge and looked around for a snack or something to eat. Having none of my friends or family visit me felt a little painful, but unsurprising. My sister hates me, my mom is across the Atlantic, my friends all have separate jobs and lives to uphold. So it was basically just me, a pill bottle, Eret, and the others here at the hospital.

I sometimes liked to talk to some of the higher staff, like the receptionist. She's really nice and doesn't tend to get a lot of people to talk to, despite running the phone lines. I was on my way there then, when I got physically pulled aside into a circle around one of the lounge tables. I yelped in surprise and felt scared until I saw the familiar faces that surrounded me.

"Oh, hi Nuts. Why did you drag me here to get to me?"

"I don't know, Dream. Maybe it has to do with the fact that you never listen."

"It's not that I don't listen, it's that I just have some trouble with it, that's all."

"Yeah yeah. Well, we've all heard your amazing talent in poetry and song, so we were going to just tell you about the talent show coming up in a couple of days. See you there?"

I didn't want to disappoint them, but I had some problems with singing in public. Even a poetry reading would be just terrifying. I knew one thing for certain, I wasn't going to do the best. I shook my head to clear unwanted thoughts.

"Yeah sure, I'm in." I offered a convincing smile. They all smiled at each other excitedly, other than Drift, they were unfocused. Then we all sat down and talked for hours, not noticing the time.

When I got back to my room, I turned on my lamp and pulled out my pen, trying to start on a song. That's when another dream hit me. I woke up at 1:37 AM, slumped over my desk with a bit of ink plastered to the side of my face. I tried to rub it off, but that just got it onto my hand in an interesting shape, which I could tell would distract me. I wiped it on my black pants and got to work, using my dream for some of the lyrics.

Maybe it's the way you say my name,
Maybe it's the way you play your game,
But it's so good, I've never met anybody like you,
But it's so good, I've never dreamed of nobody like you,

And I've heard of  a love that comes once in a lifetime,

And I'm pretty sure that you are that love of mine,

'Cause I'm in a field of dandelions,
Wishing on every one,
That you'll be mine, mine,

And I see forever in your eyes,
I feel okay when I
See you smile, smile,

Wishing on dandelions all of the time,
Praying to God that one day you'll be mine,
Wishing on dandelions all of the time,
All of the time,

I think that you're the one for me,
'Cause, it gets so hard to breathe,

When you're looking at me,
I've never felt so alive and free,

When you're looking at me,

I've never felt so happy,

And I've heard of a love that comes once in a lifetime,
And I'm pretty sure that you are that love of mine,

'Cause I'm in a field of dandelions,
Wishing on every one,
That you'll be mine, mine,

And I see forever in your eyes,

I feel okay when I

See you smile, smile,

Wishing on dandelions all of the time,
Praying to God that one day you'll be mine,
Wishing on dandelions all of the time,
All of the time,

Dandelion into the wind you go,
Won't you let my darling know,

Dandelion into the wind you go,

Won't you let my darling know that?

I'm in a field of dandelions,
Wishing on every one,
That you'll be mine, mine,
And I see forever in your eyes,
I feel okay when I
See you smile, smile,

Wishing on dandelions all of the time,
Praying to God that one day you'll be mine,
Wishing on dandelions all of the time,
All of the time,

I'm in a field of dandelions

Wishing on every one that you'll be mine,

Mine.

I tried to sing it in a few ways, but one of the ways just stuck a lot better than the others, so I stuck with that, for the time being at least. Realizing then how late it really was, and knowing that Eret could practically sniff out my fatigue after such a long time taking care of me. I knew what I should do, but I also knew what would happen if I did them. I didn't feel ready to face any of my dreams right now.

The writing on the walls always reminded me.