Losing Myself to You (Manjiro Sano x Reader)

-Chapter Eleven-

"You haven't changed, Mikey. You still got the same look in your eyes, just like the first time I met you."

I smiled at him, not flinching from the gun between my eyes.

"Y/n, stop."

"I'm fine with you killing me, I've lived enough to know that this life isn't worth living anymore. But don't kill your friends, who've supported you through it all."

"Shut up."

"I know you can't control your impulse, but do you really have to drag everyone you care about with you? They could've all lived happily... I could've..."

Tears started coming out of my eyes, "I guess I would've still stuck with you."

I grabbed his hand and pulled the gun closer to my head. I put my finger on the trigger, over his.

"I'll see you in hell, Mikey." 

"HINAAA!" Takemichi cried, weeping like a baby on the floor.

"Aw, c'mon, don't cry." Hina hushed, getting flustered from seeing him cry like that.

I stood between Emma and Mikey, looking at them from afar.

"What a way to spend Christmas, from getting into a fight to then watching a couple make up in the cold. This is truly the best Christmas I've ever spent." I said sarcastically, "Emma, are you crying?"

I wasn't lying; I really thought that today I'd spend the day at home in the warmth of my house. But instead, I got dragged out by Mikey and Draken to go bike riding in the freezing cold. Then, we ended up fighting a bunch of guys at a church. I almost got my head caved into a wall if it weren't for Draken, who saved me at the last minute.

"Hey, Takemichi!" Mikey called out to him, "Come take a ride with me."

"Hey! How am I supposed to get home?" I exclaimed, "You dragged me out here, so you better not leave me to freeze to death!"

"Don't worry, I'll be back."

"Whatever," I sighed, "I'll wait here with Emma."

He grabbed Takemichi's hand and dragged him away with him.

"You seem tired," Mikey said, looking down at me as I laid on his lap.

"I'm surprised you're not tired." I replied, yawning in mid-sentence.

After today, Mikey invited me to his house. This was the first time I'd been to his house, but I was too tired to even react that I was there. It was already past midnight.

"I'm going to bed." I told him, snuggling in his blanket, laying on his bed. "Goodnight."

"Hey, how am I going to sleep?"

"On the floor," I pointed, "or on the ground. Choose your pick."

"How about we sleep together?"

"..."

It took me a second to process what he just said, as my brain works way slower when I'm tired. The moment I got what he said, I shoved him off the bed out of embarrassment. Hearing a loud thud when his head hit the ground.

I quickly sat up, checking to see if he was okay, and exclaimed, "Mikey! I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking. Are you okay?"

"Y/n!! That hurts!" He shouted, rubbing the part of his head where he had fallen. "C'mere!"

Mikey grabbed my collar and pulled me to the ground with him. As I landed on him, as he held me tightly in his arms, out of nowhere, it seemed like something bothered him. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. A hit like that doesn't hurt at all." He replied, brushing my hair with his fingertips.

"I'm not asking about that; I'm asking if something's bothering you." I corrected myself.

"I dunno... where I'm trying to go anymore." He said, in a sad tone, "We're down to half of the founding members now."

His grips tightened around my waist; I could feel his body shaking a little.

"Oh Mikey!" I turned around and pulled his face close to mine, "Don't say that. I know you'll find your way some day. Even if it might take some time, don't be sad." I wanted to cry; it was heartbreaking to see someone you cared about become hopeless.

Mikey's head was titled. I couldn't see his face, so I didn't know if he was crying or not.

"Mikey, don't cry-"

In an instant, he lifted his head and pulled me closer. He pressed his lips against mine, soft and sweet like the dessert he eats often. He kissed me, or more like he gave me a small peck.

I was dumbfounded beyond words; I couldn't even think properly. I look up at Mikey and see him with a big grin on his face.

He started chuckling, laughing at my embarrassed face. "I love you." he whispered in my ears.

"...Me?"

"Who else?" He laughed awkwardly, looking away from me.

I looked at him, or more like I observed him, trying to see if he was lying. But he wasn't, he looked sad. He was probably hoping I'd say it back.

"Mikey," I called out to him, hoping he'd turn towards me, and so he did.

"What-"

Before he could finish his sentence, I tackled him on the ground. I kissed him back, returning the kiss he gave me earlier, but this time, it was much longer.

"I love you too." I said softly, laughing at his flustered face.

"Thanks." He sheepishly said, turning around and not letting me see his face.

I hugged him from behind, holding him close to me. Afraid of letting this feeling go away.

If only this could last...

Knowing the future, things might not go as I'd hoped. What a sad fate.

So, all those dreams were about him. Each time I died in those visions, it was because of him. I wasn't scared, I wasn't bothered. Somehow, I knew this was going to happen.

"Mikey, promise me you won't change."

"Huh? Sure." He said, confused. 

I closed my eyes, hugging him tightly.

I think that night I dreamt about a future where we were all gathered around a kotatsu, recalling the past and how fun it was. It was the first time I dreamt about something other than a vision.

Hina would be telling us about her wedding plans, and Emma and I would help her out, as we'd already had weddings of our own. Mikey would be teasing Takemichi, and bickering with Draken, being way too loud, so we'd get lots of noise complaints.

Later in that dream, Emma would come visit me and Mikey to tell us the big news. And we'd congratulate her by throwing a big party.

The dream wasn't a vision of the future. I knew it wasn't because it was too true to be real. She will die, and so will he.

This wasn't a vision, but a fantasy I'd hoped for.

When I woke up that morning, I wouldn't be the same. I would forget all the dreams I'd been worrying about for the past months. Just like how my future self didn't remember any of her dreams. 

This was the end of my conscious journey. All that's left is the future that awaits me.