Next in Line | ShinKami

XVII - "Leave"

Kaminari

I'm so fucking stupid. 

I made myself think I was being led on when in reality it was me who was leading myself on with thinking that.

Does that make sense? Of course not. 

I sound like some ancient Greek philosopher that ended up being a horrible human being who cheated on his wife regularly and didn't take care of his child because "his career is more important to him" than his own family.

I blinked. What the fuck was that. I think I should lay off on reading history books for a while.

Is that even history?

Great job, Denki! You're distracting yourself from what just happened.

I leaned my head to my door, slamming it a few times on it. "Ow," I whined, I put my hand over my scalp, pulled my hand away from it, and sighed, "well at least I'm not bleeding," I whispered out and stood up from the floor.

I looked around my room and stopped to look at the Raichu plushie laying next to my mountain of other pokemon plushies. I looked away from it and decided to go sit down at my desk.

I opened my laptop and turned on my headphones, putting them over my ears. I took a deep breath and turned on the Spotify playlist I always listen to when I'm sad or trying to distract myself.

I heard violin music start, the lyrics starting a bit after. I paused, my eyes tearing up again from the words that are being sung.

I really have been crying a lot recently, huh? I stayed quiet and squeezed my hands together, letting the song drown out my thoughts.

The song played out, the hurtful words hitting me with every second they were being said, my nails digging into my palms, causing them to start bleeding.

One like talking about giving up was the only thing that I needed to hear. I paused the playlist and put my headphones down, standing up from my chair. I turned to look at my balcony and then looked back to my door. 

I looked back out the balcony window and ran out of my dorm room, jetting down the stairs as I passed my concerned friends who have been sitting outside my room.

"Wait Kaminari where are you going?!" Mina yelled out.

I drowned their concerned yells out and ran out of the alliance.

I had nothing with me. No phone, no wallet, nothing.

I just kept running.

I don't know where--

I-

I stopped running and stared at my feet. I crouched down into myself and cried into my knees, screaming.

The people who passed by weren't existent in my personal bubble. They were nothing but shadows. The things that have been judging me my entire life. 

I fell onto my butt and leaned against the wall next to me, curled up into a ball. The tears didn't stop. 

You know, I should be happy. My crush liked me back, and yet I can't-- I can't help but feel guilty.

What if he didn't actually want to use my advice on me? What if he actually did confess to someone and they rejected him and he decided that I was the only thing good left he has? I'm the last resort, aren't I...

What if I can't protect him in the future and he ends up being killed because we're pro-heroes?

I felt someone flop down next to me. 

"You aren't going to die on me, right?" I asked, feeling the person shuffle to look at me.

"Of course not," Shinsou said, his voice soft and caring.

"You promise?" I asked weakly, my voice shaking. "I don't want you to leave me all alone," I whispered.

"That won't happen. But," Shinsou pulled my arms away from my face, smiling softly at me, "if I do end up dying, you'll avenge me."

I sniffed, nodding with a weak smile.

"Come on, it's late," Shinsou stood up and helped me stand up, letting me lean onto him, "you must be exhausted," he leaned his head onto mine as we walked back towards the alliance.