Raven

Why

I wake up to the sound of loud beeping.

When did I fall asleep?

Through the screaming protest of every single muscle of my body, I jump from the couch to inspect what's wrong, what is the cause of the beeping.

The cause of the loud noice is the heart monitor.

No, no, no, no, no, NO!

He can't die.

No.

I run around the room, trying to find something that'll help me keep him alive, going through all the bottles and containers to find the one I know will have what I need for now.

My hands shake as I read through the labels, afraid I'll take the wrong bottle and making his state worse, the constant beeping sound telling me to hurry up because there's not much time.

I won't let him die.

I won't let him die.

He will not die.

I find the bottle, take a syringe, fill said syringe with the liquid from inside the bottle and inject it into Tadashi's blood system. Not even seconds later the monitor stops beeping so loudly, now only letting out soft, steady, beeping.

It's fine.

He's fine.

He will be fine.

I fall to the floor, knees too weak to keep me standing.

I could've lost him just now.

The top of my shirt feels damp.

My vision blurs and once again sobs escape my throat.

Through the tears I stare at his arm. Extending a shaky hand I take his, almost dead-like, in mine and give it a squeeze.

Mostly to reassure myself that he is still alive, that his heart is still beating.

"Don't die. You can't go yet." I know he can't hear me but I can't just keep quiet. It still hurts to speak.

His hand is dry.

I need to moisturise him.

So I do, making sure to apply the mosituriser evenly, covering all of his body. Well, most of it anyway.

I stare at him. I stare at his face.

It's so pale. And so unmoving.

If it wasn't for the heart monitor, I could even believe Tadashi to be dead.

No. He is alive. He will be fine. I have to believe he is going to be okay.

Like a doll I sit on the floor, unmoving, glassy eyes, almost even not breathing.

Why did this happen to him?

There was nothing in the hall that could've started a fire. So why is Tadashi here, on the brink of death, just because he was in the building.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Tadashi. If only the force field worked properly. You would be okay. You would be fine and having fun with your brother, celebrating his invite to the school and such. If... If only I wasn't so stupid. I'm sorry."

I should move. My legs fell asleep a little while ago, but I can't seem to get up. I just want to stay here.

I need to move. I need to be able to move.

Tadashi needs me to be able to move.