Raven

Doubt

Tadashi stays in a stable condition for a few days after that.

The colour on his face has returned.

Even if only a little of it.

But it's a sign.

He'll be okay.

Knowing he was okay, I took some time to take care of myself. Still mostly staying in the bedroom so I can immediately take care of Tadashi instead, if something were to happen.

I nibble on some piece of bread, not really hungry but how will I take care of Tadashi if I can't even stand up.

I don't think I can even cry anymore. I've cried so much there isn't any tears left.

Every bite I swallow hurts my throat.

Can't decide whether it's from all the smoke I had inhaled or from the pretty much non-stop crying over the last few days.

Maybe even a mixture of both.

Now done with the slice of bread, I strip down to my underwear and walk in front of the mirror so I can look over my body. See the damage so I know what needs to be done.

In the end I end up rubbing on a thin layer of the moisturiser, not seeing any bad burns.

My face looks horrible.

Red from all the crying with dark circles under the eyes, from the lack of sleep. Also a bruise here and there, definitely from hitting the floor after the explosion.

I turn away from the mirror, not being able to look at myself any longer.

If I wasn't in that building, I could've stopped Tadashi.

If I wasn't in that building, Tadashi wouldn't have gone in.

If I wasn't in that building, Tadashi wouldn't lay there, on the bed, unconcious.

If I wasn't in that building, Tadashi would be okay.

If I wasn't in that build-.

Single, long, beep.

His heart stopped.

Immediately I rush to his side and start pressing on his chest area.

Up.

Down.

Up.

Down.

Chanting the song inside my mind.

Up.

Down.

Up.

Down.

"Please Tadashi, come back." apparently I can still cry. Because right now I can't see anything through the tears pouring out of my eyes, "Don't leave me."

Beep. Beep. Beep.

The monitor picks up his heart beats once more.

I collapse to the floor. That was way too close.

I look up at him.

His face looks so peaceful. You could almost think he was only sleeping. Pranking. As if he could just open his eyes any second now and start laughing.

Laughing that I fell for his prank.

And then he'd apologize for it, after he saw me crying, mumbling what a stupid prank it was.

Then we'd both laugh.

That's how it should be.

He shouldn't lie on that bed, barely escaping death, just because of me.

Yeah...

That's... Right...

This all happened...

Because of me.

I'm the cause for all of this.

If I wasn't in that building, none of this would have happened.

Am I the raven indicating something bad will happen, always looming where death follows soon after?

All of this.

Just because of me.