thoughts and feelings

memories

screaming
crying
hurting
trauma
these things i grew up with
there were some happy moments but its hard to remember
all i remember are the bad moments when everyone was fighting
screaming at eachother
at me
times when i would sit and cry in my room or in the shower
times when if i showed myself crying they would just break me down even more
hurting
when my heart would just skip
needles going into my arm
doctors checking my blood and my health
bruises that i dont remember having
funerals all the time
trauma
all the things i go through each day
trying not to hurt as much
trying to forget all
that has happened to me
screaming
had stopped and everything falls quiet
crying
i become numb once i get near family
faking my emotions to get by
hurting
no more needles or doctors all the time
bruises barely form anymore
trauma
still trying to forget
still remembering everyonce in a while
memories that are no more
im still fighting to survive in this hell hole that i live in that is my life
this is who i am
this is who i dont want to be
but i am forced into this life by my family mainly my parents who force me to be the perfect little angel that they want
but im not im different than my sisters
not just my last name but my personality and mind set
im still trying to forget everything
and just be numb.