Yours Truly ❁ n.k.h

• chapter twenty •

It was just after midnight when I made it to my doorstep. My face and all the emotions that could cross it was replaced by overall numbness.

I was home and nothing was right. My trip had gotten off to a bad start before it even started. I wanted nothing more than to just crawl into my bed and sleep my days away.

I packed and unpacked and packed again, and it still didn't equate to the one thing that was actually important to my coming home - my fucking keys.

So for the past ten minutes, I've been sitting in front of my door, trying to will myself to knock or yell or do something. But instead, I've just been standing here. Recollecting the last bit of sanity I have before I lose it at her feet.

People passing by kept giving me looks and in hindsight, I probably looked lost as shit. But returning to an old normal isn't easy when you have a new one. Not when your old normal includes an entire family you built and single-handedly destroyed.

I gulped, checking my phone again. 12:24 AM. Knocking wouldn't make any sense. I could vaguely hear a voice or two from my side of the door but I guessed it was just the tv. I didn't want to start knocking or yelling in case Angel was asleep.

I clicked on my screen. That same lockscreen of Dinah and Angel at the park stared back at me. A whole day in time that doesn't even exist anymore.

I opened our messages and found Dinah's name. My fingers paused over the keys before I said fuck it and just pressed send on my message.

I'm at the door. I forgot my keys.

She didn't read my message immediately. With my luck, she probably just fell asleep with the tv on again. She did that sometimes. It happened more often when Angel was younger. She was the kind of baby that loved being up at night and would sleep all day. Our parenting schedule back then was torturous.

I opened my phone again to check the message thread.

Read at 12:27 AM.

I took a deep breath, looking towards the door. From the corner of my eye, I could see the grey curtain from the living room pull back and then fall again.

I tightened my grip on my bag. It was now or never and I couldn't take it back.

The locks clicked out of place slowly, and the door opened even slower. I saw Dinah's eyes first before her entire frame came into view.

"Hey." She rasped.

I nodded back. "I didn't think you would be up."

"Yeah, well, she's still up so. I'm up too."

Her blonde hair was up in a ponytail with bangs framing her face. In a huge white shirt and black leggings, she looked so different. Tired.

"Can I... come in?" I gestured towards the house. She glanced back nervously before shaking her head and opening the door wider.

"Yeah, sorry. She's, um. She's in her room." I walked past her into the apartment.

The familiar scent of pine filled my nose. I crossed the threshold and enveloped myself in the heat of my own home. A candle was burning on the kitchen counter, illuminating the room that only held light otherwise from the tv.