Yours Truly ❁ n.k.h

• chapter twenty eight •

What starts great,
doesn't always end great.

Well, let me not be misleading. Things were going great right now.

And in my pessimistic brain, that was the problem.

I mean, I had a new routine to look forward to and my family was molding back together. Yet, I couldn't help the feeling that I should watch my back. Something didn't feel right.

Maybe it's all the wrong I've done trying to make me feel bad for all of this seemingly good karma.

I don't know. I just couldn't stop wondering what was lurking around the corner waiting for me. Was it divorce papers? A crushing financial weight? Something happening to Angel, or Dinah, or me?

The train ride to occupational therapy gave me too much time on my hands to think about all this. Even though I was surrounded by a multitude of people, it felt like I was sitting in a huge stadium alone. And it didn't help when I matched it up with the giddiness I felt this morning.

My moods lately had been polarizing, and I was beginning to notice. I almost couldn't tell if it was all in my head or something everyone else was aware of too. I was reacting to situations as they came so all my moods made sense, and things were happening pretty fast lately. But the rate to which my moods changed felt like extremes.

I was either feeling on top of the fucking world, or like I was willing to burn alive to make it all stop. And those were scary totems to bounce between.

Right now, I considered myself baseline. Dinah was playing hand games with Angel who was failing horribly. Their giggles filled my ears over all the chatter of the A train to Inwood. My heart swelled.

I watched the two of them from the row across with a smile. Dinah's hair was framing her face, some even falling into her line of sight depending on which way she moved. Her lips were covered in a burgundy lipstick too.

She looked beautiful.

Seeing the way she spoke to our daughter with such glee and wonder reminded me in a minuscule way of why I married her.

She had such a caring disposition with everybody. There was just something in the way she spoke to you that made you feel like you had her attention and her attention only. Her presence felt loving and illuminating, and when she adored you, you knew.

Although she could be pretty vocal about her feelings, Dinah was more of a calculated lover. She thought things through and tried to make decisions that benefited everyone, specifically emotionally. She really catered to the deeper side of you. The one that might feel hurt ten months down the line if she said the wrong thing or that would always remember the way she listened to the stories no one else would.

And even if she flew off the handle at times, she knew what she was doing. There was always an action she wanted to elicit and she knew how to get it.

But her level of care had a harsh side too. Dinah hated people that were inconsiderate and didn't cater to other's feelings. Everything had to be fair in her eyes. Doing something to someone else that you wouldn't want done to you wasn't fair.

I should know. I've been around that block with her a few times.

"—Mani." I heard, snapping me out of my thoughts. Her and Angel were looking at me. I raised my eyebrow. "Next stop."