SLIPPING (B.E.)

{four}

unedited

i munched happily on my grilled cheese, occasionally closing my eyes in bliss as i bit into the very white bread and the cheese that likely was more like cheese whiz than actual cheese. all the same, it tasted amazing.

and  fries! dear lord, i loved fries. and even after i had finished my small portion of them, billie and finneas would often hand me another one or two from their own large sizes.

despite eating something that would normally push myself into a younger age, i regained my older headspace quite quickly after we had started eating. maybe it was because of all the new things that had happened today, or maybe i was subconsciously suppressing because i was in public surrounded by a lot of people.

i think billie must have sensed the moment i came out somehow, because her demeanor around me changed a bit. not in a bad way, she just didn't speak to me as carefully as she had before, and her wording was a bit more like the billie i saw in all the videos of her talking to her family, or sometimes fans. maybe her body language had shifted a bit, too. i wondered if she was aware of these changes, or if they had happened without her noticing.

"ready to head out?" billie asked me, clearing away my happy meal box. i nodded, standing up with my still half-full apple juice.

finneas took the garbage from billie and went to throw it out while she led me back to the car. she didn't buckle me in this time, but she still sat in the middle seat next to me. i mean, c'mon, who sits in the middle seat when there is a perfectly good seat with a head rest sitting right there? well, a lot of things billie did confused me when i saw her on a screen, so i guess i shouldn't be so surprised. but still, you would give up the head rest? to sit next to me?

when she finished buckling herself in, she turned to me. she had a playful smile, but there was something in her eyes that was more serious.

"so, gwen," she started. she paused, looking at a random spot next to me, before turning back to me. "are you ready for this?"

"are you ready for me?" i think my answer surprised both of us. both our eyes widened, but then billie giggled a little.

"i guess we'll find out soon, huh?" i was saved from answering that, because finneas entered the car, and the conversation ended.

we drove home mostly in a comfortable silence. at one point, billie grabbed my hand, adorned in a couple cheap rings, and just played with my fingers lightly. when i gave her a questioning look, she just shrugged and said my hands were cute. predictably, i blushed and looked away.

before long, we pulled onto my street. finneas parked on the side of the road next to my driveway. i hopped out of the car quickly and led them both down the cobblestone pathway to the door.

my mom opened it before i even had a chance to grasp the handle, smiling widely.

"hello, billie! and finneas," she back away to let us into the tiny entryway, and i saw my dad standing nearby in the living room with an awkward smile on his face.

my dog, rossi, ran over to greet us, his tail whacking hard into the walls on either side of the room. not that he noticed. i bent over to pet him for a minute.

i took off my shoes quickly and was about to rush upstairs to my room when i wondered if i should wait for billie, who had started greeting and thanking my parents for letting them stay. deciding that i had no idea when their conversation would end, i slipped away and went up to my small room.

i wondered if billie would find it weird that her face was on every wall. i hoped not.

i shut the door behind me and tripped over a couple horses on my way to my bed.