Hermitcraft Oneshots and Chaos with Imposter!

The Pain Called Dysphoria. (Bdubs and Iskall h/c)

I am, very proud of this one. It's a long one (for once) and just :DDD
It's one I relate to deeply so enjoy!! :D

TWs: None :D

He sighed, the pain eating him up from the inside. Everything about him - his personality, his actions, his hair, his body, everything - made him hate himself more and more. The pain wouldn't go away. The voice telling him everything, 'you're not a boy, you're a girl' or 'you're acting so feminine' and sometimes even 'I don't know how you pass as a man, you're clearly a girl, a lady'. Days like these he'd normally shove off, keeping his joyful personality. Or maybe go see Doc or Ren and just chill with them. But today it hurt to do anything. Moving, speaking, breathing, eating. It all just hurt, made him uncomfortable. It was days like these he wanted a hug, but it would cause the pain to get so much worse. He wanted affection but everything that would be done would make it feel like the pain would never stop. Yet he knew nobody knew how he was feeling because nobody was like him. He picked up his communicator, seeing everyone asking if he's been seen. He sighs before typing back a message.

<Bdubs> I'm fine, don't worry about me. /gen

Lies. He wasn't fine, but the other hermits didn't need to know that. They just needed to know he was okay. But of course, he needed to go see Iskall to go buy some stuff from them. He didn't want to go, he just wanted to lay in bed and hide away from the pain and hope it would just go away. The pain never went away though. He passed as a male to everyone else, but it never stopped the pain. It just builds up and up and he could only hold it back for so long. It was the days the barrier broke that just made him want to hide away. Those days he'd avoid people and just focus on building until dawn and would then go to sleep or would just say he's ill and stay in bed all day. Today, that wasn't possible. He had to go visit Iskall. He had to go pick up that stuff. He had to do all this stupid stuff that just made him feel even worse about himself.

Regardless, he set off towards Iskall's place. He hoped the sooner he got there, the sooner he could get this stuff over with, the sooner he could deal with the pain. He knew that wasn't how the world worked, but he wished it did. Wishing hard enough meant it was real, right? He gazed at the floor as he walked, headphones in, no spring in his step. He wanted to drown out the voices of the other hermits with his music - Cavetown and Alec Benjamin being the artists he immediately puts on. They just brought him a sense of comfort, knowing he isn't alone with his feelings. The pain was just so loud, even his music couldn't drown it out. He just wanted it to go away, for it to leave him alone and never come back. He wanted to feel comfortable in his body, able to give everyone hugs and not feel uncomfortable. He wanted to be able to hold a conversation and be comfortable with his voice and not want to cry every time his voices squeaked slightly.

But he found himself, at the bottom of the bubble elevator, crying his eyes out. He knew Iskall wouldn't care how late he arrived; he just physically couldn't make it any further. He gazed up, praying someone would find him, praying someone would comfort him. Yet he just sat there, tears rolling off his face onto the floor. The music played in his ears, being overpowered by the voice. The voice that told him everything harmful that he just couldn't ignore. He just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry himself to sleep. He just wanted the pain to finally stop.

A pair of arms wrapped around him, causing him to immediately lean into the touch. He hated it, it made him feel so weak and feminine, but he really just needed it. He knew the person was sat silently as they comforted him, seeing him wear his headphones was a rare sight. He slowly looked up, eyes meeting the other hermit's. It was who he expected, the one he was supposed to be meeting with. A small smile was placed on their face, eyes clearly full of concern. They kept a comforting arm around him as they gestured to the water elevator. Bdubs shook his head slightly, before pulling out his communicator to message the other hermit.

<Bdubs> Can't walk, too much internal pain.

The other checked the message before placing their communicator away. They gently changed the positioning of their arms before picking the shorter one up. They waited as Bdubs got comfortable in their grasp, before heading into the water elevator. They slowly paced to the bedroom, keeping the hermit in their arms comfortable. The first thing Bdubs noticed was how soft the blankets were; they were as soft as a cloud. He wrapped the blankets around himself before taking his headphones off, positioning them on the nightstand. He found an arm being wrapped around him once again, him leaning into the touch. He placed his head in the others lap, them playing with his hair. He smiled, feeling the pain slowly evaporate.

"...Iskall?" He mumbled under his breath.
"Hm? You doing better now?" was the response, the other sounding genuinely concerned. "Yeah... Thanks by the way... Hope I'm not being a nuisance here..." He muttered, sighing.
"Bdubs, you aren't a nuisance. It's important to know if you're okay or not, and you can't just keep lying to us all like that hun." Iskall responded, smiling fondly at their friend.
"You sure? I just kinda, stopped you from doing what you were doing..."
"I'm sure, I wasn't really doing anything. Anyways, would you want to tell me what's up? You don't have too though..."

Bdubs sighed, repositioning himself to be sat on the other's lap. He rested his head on Iskall's shoulder as he spoke.

"Well, there's this voice. It just kind of tells me I'm not a man, y'know? It tells me I'm a girl, I'll always be a girl, I'll never truly be a boy. And it makes this pain worse, and then that leads to days like this. Crying my eyes out because I don't want to deal with the pain. It just feels like it's true at times, that I clearly am, and always have been, a girl. It just eats me up from the inside slowly, until I just can't hold it back any longer. I suppose it's a thing that comes with being trans, y'know this pain and stuff. Oh scud-"

He felt himself being pulled into a comforting hug, which makes him know the other accepts him. Yet he still hated the fact he outed himself. That didn't matter though, what mattered was that he got it off his chest, and he now has someone he can come to during these horrible days.

"It's not just you..." Iskall started, intriguing the other male with what they were going to say. "Trans, I mean. Me too. I'm non-binary myself. They/Them pronouns, transitioned as much as I can, living life like a normal person y'know. But dysphoria sucks. Even though I'm happy with myself, the voice will tell me I'm not valid, I'm not allowed to be non-binary, I have to be a boy or a girl. But I distract myself, whether with building or moments like these, cuddling those who I value the most. It helps, honestly. It makes me focus more on the moment and less on those thoughts. That's all the advice I can really give, I'll always be here for sessions like these, if you want. For the days the dysphoria is just, overwhelming, message me. I'll be over right away. Always."

Bdubs smiled, hugging them slightly tighter than before. The two held the other close, feeling safe in each other's embrace.

This is why I love Hermitcraft, there's always someone here, someone out there who understands what exactly you are going through. I love you Iskall...

Ehehehehe
I honestly love this oneshot sm

Can y'all give me some rarepairs to write? Currently want to write some rarepairs and no clue where to start-

Anyways, hope you enjoyed :D

-Nether System