Super Screwup (ONC 2022)

Chapter 3 - The Abduction

What Marvin didn't realize was that the cell had been located on the third story of the facility. It was a good thing he was semi-indestructible and healed quickly or the tumble to the ground could have really messed him up. As it was, he didn't know how Dr. Magnus had managed the descent, but he didn't see any splattered old man bodies anywhere, so he assumed the guy must have survived.

It turned out there was, in fact, a barbed-wire fence a few feet from the building that he hadn't seen from the window, but there was a large hole cut in it that allowed for an easy exit. He didn't know if it had been pre-existing or if Dr. Magnus had sliced his way through somehow but using his skills in logic and probability, he assumed this was the way the villain had fled.

There weren't any alarms or sirens blaring, so it seemed that so far their escape had gone unnoticed. The security at this place was really terrible. Once again Marvin was thankful for his superpowers. If he was an unpowered civilian and lived near here he wouldn't sleep well at night, that was for sure. Who knew what sort of heinous monsters could just walk right out of there at any given moment. He made a mental note that he'd have to speak to the President at his medal-awarding ceremony about possibly throwing some more funding towards a security upgrade here. After all, it was the right thing to do.

He wriggled through the hole in the fence and found himself in a vast empty field. Other than the lights from the prison behind him, it was almost pitch black and got even darker the farther away he got from the building. There was no moon to light up the sky, although the stars twinkled brilliantly overhead.

After about an hour of walking he looked over his shoulder and couldn't see any sign of the prison. He couldn't see anything ahead of him either or off to either side. The more he thought about it, he wasn't entirely sure he'd been walking in a straight line this whole time. There was a small, non-zero chance that he might have possibly been walking in circles. In fact, it occurred to him that there was a miniscule prospect that he might be lost.

And then he was suddenly enveloped in a blinding bright light originating from somewhere overhead. He felt his feet lose contact with the ground and he began to float upward into the air towards a silver, saucer-shaped craft covered in blinking lights.

"Whoa, gnarly," Marvin said as a hatch opened in the side of the ship and he suddenly found himself face to face with a lanky green being with large black eyes and a bowling ball shaped cranium.

"Greetings, I am Kleznor of the planet Frz. I am on a diplomatic mission to the planet Qiron. I was wondering if you might assist me. My navigation systems have gone on the fritz. I have a homing beacon that will return me to Frz, but I do not wish to return in shame having failed in my mission. Perhaps you can tell me my location? What planet is this?"

"No way," Marvin said. "This is nuts. Am I still high? U.F.O.'s aren't real. I just had an argument about this with those two underage chicks at the bar. Is this some kind of joke? Is somebody messing with me right now? Did Steve put you up to this? Okay, Steve. You got me good this time. You can come out now."

"I do not know who Steve is. As I said before I am Kleznor of the planet Frz."

"Sure you are," Marvin said with a wink. "All right, 'Kleznor.' I'll play along."

"I do not know what you mean by play along," Kleznor said. "This is no game and I am being entirely serious right now. The leaders of Frz have entrusted me with the important mission of establishing diplomatic relations with Qiron so that our two worlds may achieve an everlasting peace. If you could just be so kind as to tell me the name of this planet, it will help to orient me and I shall be on my way."

"Whatever you say, 'Kleznor.' This is really wild, man. How much money did you spend on this fake spaceship? It looks like it cost a lot, what with all the video screens and blinking lights and whatnot. I don't know how you afforded this, Steve. You haven't had a job in, like, five years."