Super Screwup (ONC 2022)

Chapter 9 - The League of Scrupulousness

Marvin convinced the driver that he needed to stop by his apartment for a couple hours so he could squeeze in his mid-morning nap and also have a couple beers so he could calm his nerves before meeting his new colleagues at the League of Scrupulousness. It occurred to him that it was always a good idea to make a good impression on people by bringing food, so he had the driver make a few stops to pick up ingredients and then they went back to the apartment so he could whip up a hopefully tasty concoction.

The timing actually worked out well because it was just about lunchtime when he waltzed into the conference room where the world's most powerful and popular superheroes were gathered around a giant circular table.

Marvin couldn't help but be starstruck. All of his favorites were there. Justice Woman, Photocopy Man, The Sting, Lightning Rod, Scorpion Girl, Hammerhead Shark, The Living Meteor, and, of course, Chicken Man. His brother, Megafantastic Man, sat in the biggest most comfortable chair and was just instructing his assistant Lester to get everybody's lunch order when Marvin waltzed in.

"No need for that, bros and ladies!" he shouted. "I brought my world famous chili! Everyone dig in!"

He was pleased to see everyone seemed to approve of his culinary skills as they gobbled down the whole pot. Except for his brother who seemed like he couldn't be bothered to sample Marvin's cooking. He was probably just jealous.

Photocopy Man even liked the chili so much that he made a copy of his bowl so he could enjoy more of it. Then he made a copy of himself so he could get another bowl and have more room for it. There was no doubt, the chili was a hit. He made sure to introduce himself to everyone individually as they filled up their bowls, and soaked in the compliments as they tasted it. He took a seat at the table and beamed with pride.

Unfortunately they ate it so fast that Marvin didn't get a bowl for himself.

Good thing I brought this bag of sunflower seeds he thought as he whipped out a bag. He started chewing on them and spitting the shells out on the ground as he tried to pay attention to what was being said as they resumed business.

"Well, all right, you've all met my brother Marvin," Megafantastic Man said. "It seems like we're stuck with him for the time being and we're all going to have to take turns coddling him. I know that's the last thing any of us need right now, but my father commanded it, so I'm afraid we don't have a choice. Lightning Rod, you can have the dubious honor of taking the first shift. And if he gets out of line, don't be afraid to zap him."

"You got it, boss," Lightning Rod said. He pointed at his eyes with two fingers and then pointed at Marvin.

"In the meantime, I'm going to turn the floor over to Justice Woman so she can give us more details about this intergalactic crisis."

"Thank you," Justice Woman said as she stood up and addressed the room. "It has come to our attention that the denizens of the planet Frz, whom we always believed to be a peaceful race, have just launched an unprovoked attack on the planet Qiron. The Frzian government claims that an extremely uncouth representative of Qiron personally insulted one of their top diplomats. The Qironians are adamant that no such thing ever happened and that they are the victims of the unchecked aggression of a bloodthirsty and expansionist Frz. They have vowed to take a terrible retribution on their attackers and assured us they will not rest until every last Frzian is dead. This is a catastrophe beyond imagining. Billions, if not trillions of innocent lives are at stake. The simple fact of the matter is that even though this war is taking place on two distant worlds, we cannot afford to stand idly by and let this happen. It's a complete mystery what the real cause of this conflict is, but the fact remains we have no choice but to intervene."