Super Screwup (ONC 2022)

Chapter 5 - Dad

FIVE YEARS AGO

"Yeah, so anyway I've been fired from internships with three congressmen, a couple of bigtime corporate lawyers, a large publishing firm, and the Pope. He fired me personally. Oh yeah, and my Dad's the big boss here at Biogenetics Inc. So as you can see I'm a pretty big deal around here."

The secretary Marvin was trying to flirt with rolled her eyes and took a drink from her coffee mug.

"Oh, I see you've got that delightful orange cartoon cat who hates Mondays on your cup. I, too, hate Mondays. Is it just me or does it feel like there's some kind of destiny at work here?"

"Whatever, mailboy," the secretary sneered. "You said you had some interoffice memo for Mr. Jenkins?"

"I sure do," Marvin beamed as he reached into his mail cart. "It's right here."

"This says it's for Mr. Friedley in accounting."

"It does? But I was just at his office dropping off a memo for him. That doesn't make any sense. I remember it because it was covered in stamps that said 'Highly Classified' and 'Unauthorized Reads Will Be Penalized by Fates Worse Than Death (or Possibly Just Death).' Say, you don't suppose I got the memos mixed up, do you? I took the liberty of taking the memo out of the envelope and set it on the desk for Mr. Friedley so he wouldn't risk getting a papercut when he opened it. Because I always say go the extra mile when you're providing a service for people. You don't think poor Mr. Friedley read something he wasn't supposed to, do you? I'd hate to get him in trouble. He seems like such a nice old man."

There was a loud cracking sound not unlike a gunshot coming from the direction of Mr. Friedley's office. A moment later a body covered in a sheet was rolled past on a wheeled gurney by two heavily armed security guards.

"Well, I hate to leave you just when we were hitting it off so swimmingly, but I'd better go make sure Mr. Friedley gets the correct memo." He hurried back towards the accounting department. The left front wheel on his cart was squeaking loudly and he made a mental note that he'd have to get one of the menial laborers in the custodial staff to oil it for him later.

He was startled by a loud crackling voice emerging from the intercom in the ceiling.

"MARVIN! DROP EVERYTHING AND REPORT TO THE MAIN OFFICE IMMEDIATELY!"

"Uh oh, am I in some kind of trouble?" he asked aloud as he headed toward the elevator. The main office was where Dad worked. Marvin never got summoned there except when he was in hot water. And not the normal everyday kind of hot water he usually found himself in. Dad couldn't be bothered with the rinky-dink stuff. He only got involved when it was something really serious. Marvin hadn't actually spoken to his father in person in over a year.

He rode in silence alone on the elevator up to the very top floor of the skyscraper. As the door opened to let him off he couldn't resist mashing all the buttons so the elevator would stop on every floor on its way back down.

"Tee-hee," he giggled.

He walked down the long narrow hallway that led to his father's office. His throat felt dry and his hands were sweaty. He didn't know he was going to be summoned in to see the old man today. In retrospect he probably shouldn't have eaten those magic mushrooms on his coffee break. He wasn't sure, but he thought they might be starting to kick in.

He paused outside the large oak double doors that led into Dad's office. The grain lines in the wood were starting to pulsate and swirl around of their own volition. As he stared at them he began to be convinced they were forming a spacetime portal into the infinitieth dimension. "Far out, bro," he said as he jaw hung agape.