Super Screwup (ONC 2022)

Chapter 15 - Marvin Saves the Day?

 Ninja Frank crouched down and whirled his grappling hook a few times before he flung it. It caught one of the tail fins of the missile and the attached rope dangled down behind it.

"Hurry, Marvin-san!" he shouted. "It's all up to you now."

"All up to me," Marvin gulped. "Gee, now that you put it like that, I'm not so sure I can do this. I'm not really used to, like, people depending on me for stuff."

"The missile's getting away!" Ninja Frank shouted. "We don't have time for this! Go stop it!"

"Okay, okay! Jeez, Ninja Frank, you sound like my Dad or something." Marvin cracked his knuckles and then licked his thumb and held it out to check the wind. Or at least it looked like he was checking the wind. He didn't actually get any information out of it whatsoever. "All right, here goes nothing."

He took a running start and then jumped as high as he could. He barely managed to grab hold of the end of the rope and then the missile's momentum started tugging him faster and faster.

For a few minutes it was all he could do to hold on with one hand, but finally he reached up and got a better grip with both hands. Then he slowly started to pull himself up the rope.

The missile appeared to have reached cruising altitude by the time Marvin managed to climb on top of it. He wrapped his arms and legs to the base of it and clung on while he tried to figure out what to do next.

"What would my brother do in this situation?" he asked himself.

With his eyes closed he could almost hear Megafantastic Man's voice in his mind. "Marvin, whatever you do, do not attempt to destroy the missile. It could explode and I'm not sure even you could survive a blast at this range. Not to mention the nuclear fallout would probably lead to the deaths of millions if not billions."

"Shoot," Marvin said. "Punching it or ripping it apart with my bare hands were my go-to options here. After all, destruction is what I do best. Are you sure about this, bro?"

"Marvin!" the imaginary voice of Megafantastic Man shouted at him in his mind.

"Don't argue with me! You're going to have to figure out another way."

"Like what?" Marvin asked.

"I don't know. Redirect it or something."

"Redirect it where? Anywhere it lands it's going to blow up and cause problems."

"So don't land it."

"Don't land it? That's ridiculous. Is this some sort of magic missile that can stay airborne forever? I may not be the brightest bulb, but even I know that's impossible. Wait, are you telling me to fly it into the ocean? Can nukes explode underwater? I bet that would create one heck of a tsunami if it did. Say, 'Tsunami' would be a cool superhero name. Remind me to write that down for later if I get out of this."

"Marvin!" his brother's voice shouted at him again. "You need to focus on the task at hand! Don't drop the missile into the ocean. That would be a terrible idea. No, you need to get it off the Earth all together."

"If only that flying saucer would come by right now," Marvin said. "I could give the nuke to them and let them deal with it."

"There's no flying saucers coming to save you, Marvin. I can't save you either. You have to do this yourself."

"Okay," Marvin said. "So I need to redirect the missile off of Earth. How about if I point it straight up so it flies off into space? These thrusters seem pretty powerful. I think it can break out of orbit. At least I hope so. I don't have any other ideas right now. If it sputters out and falls back to Earth, I'm blaming you, bro. After all, you're the one who told me to do this."

Marvin crawled to the front end of the missile and saddled it. He grabbed the tip with both hands, leaned back, and pulled with all his strength. The missile started to tilt upward.

"It's working!" Marvin shouted and redoubled his efforts.

He was pretty sure he had it pointed straight up when he couldn't sit on it anymore and had to wrap all of his limbs around it to keep from sliding off. The missile burst above the tops of the clouds and continued upwards. The sky started to darken from blue to black and it was starting to get really cold.

"Holy cow!" Marvin said. "I think we're in the upper atmosphere and this thing's not showing any signs of slowing down! I did it! I saved the day! Hey, wait a minute, I need to get off this thing."

He looked around but couldn't see anywhere in particular to go.

"Too bad I can't fly like my brother. That would have been convenient. If only that super serum hadn't mysteriously malfunctioned. Well, I guess there's no choice but to find out how invulnerable I really am."

He let go of the missile and tumbled to the Earth below.

*

Thousands were killed and there is now a large impact crater where Des Moines, Iowa used to be. But the world survived, and so did Marvin, who was able to report from experience that falling from the stratosphere was much more painful than getting hit by a semi truck.