They were halfway up the side of the mountain when Steve spotted the staircase. "Don't you guys think it would have been a lot easier if we'd gone up that way?"
"It would have been easier," Ninja Frank conceded. "But also a lot less stealthy. We want to sneak our way in, not announce our presence loudly."
"Like, say, for instance blowing up a giant robot bear?" Vladimir said.
"There's a chance that went unnoticed," Marvin said. "I agree we need surprise on our side. There's not too much more mountain to go. Let's dig deep and do this. Disruptors!"
Then Meth Girl fell.
She hit the bottom with a loud thunk.
"Oh no! We lost Meth Girl," Marvin shouted.
"I'm all right," she called from the base of the mountain. "When I smoke meth, not only do I get super tracking powers, I also can't feel any pain." She stood up and dusted herself off.
"Whoa, gnarly!" Marvin shouted. "Your arm's all at a weird angle!"
"It looks like your shoulder came out of the socket," Vladimir called down.
"It did? I hate when that happens. Hang on." Meth Girl whacked her shoulder against the side of the mountain and it popped back into place. "There we go. All better. I'll be back with you guys in a minute." She grabbed the rope and began pulling herself up.
It took them another hour, but they finally reached the top of the mountain without any other major injuries. Steve had a black eye from when Marvin accidentally dislodged a rock and it hit him in the face and Ninja Frank broke a fingernail, but overall they were in good condition.
"Alright guys!" Marvin shouted. "We made it! Sure, the stairs would have been a lot faster and less physically grueling, but by taking the long, hard way, we've maintained the element of surprise. It's an advantage well earned, my friends. Dr. Magnus has no clue what's in store for him shortly."
He took a step forward and triggered some sort of alarm. Sirens started blaring and red lights flashed all around them. A large net suddenly snapped up from the ground and they found themselves ensnared in it. Nobody managed to escape its grasp.
"So much for the element of surprise," Vladimir said. "If only we'd had some boots of Elvenkind. In D&D they allow you to walk across any surface without making a sound. If we all had a pair of those we could have walked up the stairs and no one would have been the wiser."
"It's a little late for that now, Vladimir," Marvin said. "Next time make sure you pack your Keebler Elf shoes before we leave on the mission. Now does anyone have any ideas about how to get out of this net?"
"Maybe I can cut through it with my katana sword," Ninja Frank said.
He unsheathed it and promptly stabbed Steve in the shoulder.
"Ow! What the hell, man?"
"Oops," Ninja Frank said. "If only I could get a better angle. It's kind of cramped with all of us in this net."
"Maybe the stoner kid and I can burn it with our lighters," Meth Girl suggested.
"What if the net catches fire and we all burn up inside it?" Vladimir asked.
"That's a risk I'm willing to take," Marvin said. "Meth Girl. Steve. Get to igniting."
"Please do not damage my net," a voice with a vaguely Eastern European accent said from below. "My great grandmother Vonda knitted it for me when I was a toddler. It has great sentimental value to me."
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Super Screwup (ONC 2022)
HumorMegafantastic Man is the greatest superhero on Earth. His little brother Marvin is decidedly not. It's tough living in the shadow of greatness, and although Marvin possesses some super powers of his own, things just never seem to work out quite ri...
