A River Flows Through Us

Midnight Moon...

       I woke up at almost 1am. I knew that going back to sleep wouldn't work, so I decided to go sit outside for a bit, in the hopes of clearing my brain.

     I get up out of my bed and put on some black sweat pants. I was also wearing an over sized white graphic tee, and thick grey socks that scrunched up at my ankles. I slid on my Birkenstocks and grabbed one of my fluffy gray blankets. I walked over to my bed room door, and opened it to hear the soft breathings of Knox, laying in the couch. I quietly walked to the back door and opened it slowly, walking outside and closing the door.

       We had a small back porch, with two wooden chairs sitting in front of the wooden railing. There was a set of stairs to the left of the porch that led down to a empty back yard, with the exception of a plastic play set that Bella used to play on. Over the years it got dirty and old looking, but Lizzy and I decided to keep it for when more kids come along.

       I sat down on the chair away from the stairs, and wrapped my blanket around myself, leaning back to look at the beautifully lit sky. Full of billions of planets, stars, and worlds of all shapes and sizes.

        When I was younger my mom would tell me that when we die we become a new star in the sky to light the way through the darkness of life. The moon was high in the sky, full, and bright, with a beautiful ring around it.

      That's something I didn't like about New York, no stars. In Riverside the stars are so bright you would swear that it looked like white Christmas tree lights.

      It was a peaceful quite outside. All the people of the world, were quite, for only a moment the world didn't speck a word. It something that I don't think anyone understands. The unbelievable peace that comes in the quite hours of night. When the expectations of life are gone, all the voices are silent, and all that's left is you. It's why as tired as I get during the day, i'm partially okay with not sleeping. It's the only time I can just exist without consequence. I can spend hours staring at the stars and the world won't care. There's absolutely no one. And after the first high you get from being completely alone, the more you crave that feeling at all hours of life.

     My favorite place to be alone was at the river. The one place in the world that I felt close to my mom. The stars there are so bright, making the water's waves shine like a thousand diamonds. All you can hear for miles is the sounds of waves crashing into rocks and drift wood.

        Still to this day i've never told anyone about my special place. I was always scared someone would cause me to hate it if I brought them there.

       For as far back as I can remember it was my mother's and I's place. We would run away for hours, to talk about any and everything. She would tell me stories from her adventures in life, and i'd listen, hoping one day to see the world the way she did. For her everything was so full of life. So colorful, so wonderful, so amazing, and above all life through my mothers eyes was epic.

       It's why I spent so much time with her, even more when she got sick, I wanted to know everything that she was. How she could still see the best in people even when they proved her wrong. How she could making miracles every thanksgiving and Christmas. How she taught herself how to cook. How she knew how to be a great mom, and a loving wife. How everyday she was alive she thought to be a good day, even when it wasn't. I wanted to understand it all. My mother was like a book I couldn't stop reading until the end.

       And yet when she died I still felt like I didn't know her at all. What I do remember I hold in a locked draw in my brain, so that it could never be forgotten.

       I remember her saying things like, 'When a woman is upset, she will forget to turn the oven on.' and 'Music was one of the many gifts from God, and by far one of the best.' She would say, 'We are on a planet that gives us everything, food, friends, love, and yet so many people forget we are supposed to give back.'