Clearing The Mind

Chapter 10: 没有太阳的夏天 (A Summer Without Sun)

A song rang into Ethan's head as he and the others walked slowly to the burial site. 

It was the song that his girlfriend wrote before the accident, they were going to record it together, even though he didn't know how to speak Mandarin, he was willing to follow on with her.

The song was called A Summer Without Sun. A song about a girl who loses her best friend not by her choice or by fate, but by the choice of the other person. 

Lamenting that she shouldn't have spent more time with him if she didn't want to be hurt more, but after it had happened, it happened. All the summer days and nights they had spent together started to feel lukewarm for her as the only thing left of her longing was him.

The light and the heat that she had while she was with him, even as friends, was gone. 

Did she love him? Did he love her? 

The only answer that she could give in at the very end was that she didn't know anymore.

The song and its contents left a large scar in Ethan.

Was it a coincidence that the song ended up hurting him in the end? Ethan didn't know anymore as he felt hollow. 

Tears started to fall from his eyes. Sand probably got into his eyes.

Hah, what a pathetic excuse for a man like him. 

Gwen patted his back strongly. "Man up, kid. I don't think it would benefit any of us if you were to be crying here right now."

Gwen was a sister figure to him as Yulia was to Rose. She and Julian knew about the accident pretty early in, and would pop up in the Alwood residence from time to time to check on the young couple. 

For those asking, she was feminine. Not the girly-girly type, and certainly not the manlier till it felt a bit weird for an iconic woman like her. 

"Gwen?" Ethan's voice wasn't strong enough, but she heard him.

The voice was quiet enough for everyone else walking to the parlor with them not to notice, strong enough for Gwen to hear for herself.

"Yeah, kiddo?" They have to consider her as the big mother of the whole gang. Whenever she's there with them, she really acted like she took care of everyone with enough care and such.

"Have you ever lost someone close to you before?" This year was the second year that Gwen was in her 40s. So this question wasn't an insult or anything painful for Gwen to talk about, for she had understood the concept of life and death a long time ago.

"How old are you, 30?" Gwen asked with a short smile. As Ethan nodded, she sighed. 

"Look, kid. I've faced death many times, when it came to those close to me or even close shaves with death myself. Every single time it hurt me, but in the end, when it is their time, what could we do in the end?"

Ethan was trembling by the thought of what Gwen said.

"In many cases, we live life in vain, kid. Remember that." 
She sighed, teaching philosophy like this to a kid? She must be out of her mind by now. 
(He wasn't exactly a kid, but not too old either.)

"While we always try to make the most of our lives, sometimes wasting most of our lives trying to satisfy and make people around us who we care for happy, it does hurt when everything falls in the end, right?" Now, Ethan could finally see where Gwen was going. Her smile was small not because she was laughing at the question or trying to keep things as well-kept as they are right now, the smile of hers was showing how hurt she was all the way till now.