Clearing The Mind

Chapter 18: Afterdusk.

He smiled as he looked away.

In a way, he felt pretty relieved as he started walking slowly to the door.

He was dressed in his usual tired man's outfit as he took his baggage with him to leave.
Unable to continue looking away, he looks at her still in bed, still snoring away as he'd seen for the past few years.

A part of him wanted not to leave, yet was there any other choice left? As much as one wishes to say yes, no has to be the emphatic answer.

In his mind, things were racing as they always did. Sometimes he'd wish that he would give himself a rest from those turbulences inside his head, and yet, that'll probably never be the case.

He sighed. Just that. Deep inside his heart, he had been fighting with himself on this topic for months, no, years. Would there be any other resolution than this?

He'd confided in Gwen for years about this.
He talked to Christian about this.

As he took his guitar up with him, the last thing he hadn't put on himself yet, he knew there was no more turning back.

Realize that there was a thing he'd not considered until now, something that he'd left in the back of his mind.

Was this the right choice to make now?

(5 months after the wedding)

He'd been thinking about this for a long time now. For most of his life, he'd live with the objective of only doing things for others, making sure that they'd be alright with his care to confirm.

Sure, you'd think that his only take in life is to live his life to the fullest as he always says, but now look properly at all the things that he has done, and you'll realize they were always for the people he cared for the most.

Something happened along the way of that. To sacrifice and nothing else was something he lived by just for those people, but as Gwen and Chris had told him, he was missing one big part of everything.

You could probably guess what it is, right?
In a way, consider this ending as a way for the writer to show that he is Julian himself, it wouldn't be all that surprising.

How many times should he continue to sacrifice before he'd understand that they wouldn't care the same way as he did?

Were they using him?

Or was he using himself for them?

How would things be interpreted for one person to understand the lengths of what giving to others feels like?

Perhaps, priorities were placed in the wrong places.
Perhaps, things would have been better had he made the better choices.
Perhaps, he should've chosen to free himself much earlier.
Perhaps, all of this was his fault.

Hey, this is what happens with one's choices, isn't it?
The power of choice is so powerful that it may give or take from one, isn't that the truth at its fullest?

He opened the garage to find his car, hesitating every time with every step he took.

In his mind, he thought about Michael Arden's Made Of Stone, singing it all from his mind.
Then again, was he doing this now in the preface of sorrow or for new longings?

Were gargoyles better than those who thought they cared?
Even better, did they care?
Were those made of stone actually better than what God created himself with dust?

He heard a knock on the garage door.

Following that, he opened it.

As the door slowly revolved upwards, what stood behind it was a bulked figure that he could recognize just by looking at his feet.

"So, you finally made your choice." The voice spoke. The man wore a full-black suit as he always does, a white tie and a pair of sunglasses, making Juls wonder whether he'd be more suitable being cast in MIB as its new protagonist.

"Shut up. You don't have to continue doing over the decision I made."

The man scoffed at him. "As if you're still not thinking of walking back again."

Julian rolled his eyes. "Anyways, where's our entourage?" 

Pete turned around and pointed at a black limousine that was parked by the roadside as a woman in a crimson t-shirt was leaning on the limo, taking a smoke while waiting.

Peter looks at Julian one last time, hoping to see no more remorse on his face. "So, you ready? Moonshine and I have been waiting for some time."

Julian scoffed at him once more. "Keep yapping."

He took one more step out of the compound, and the things that had been revolving in his head had all stopped, looking at who Moonshine was, he knew how badly fate loved to play with him.

"Would there ever be a time when I don't see you wearing red?" He asked her, bringing back a little bit of the flirt he used to have during the time they first knew each other.

"Nah, you've just never observed me properly, dude. Now get in the car."

The three of them entered the car and drove off, moving forward to the next destination of their work.

And yet when morning came, Daphne woke up. She saw that there wasn't anyone beside her anymore. She walked around the house to see whether he was anywhere else.

"Juls?"

A/N: And this marks the finale for Clearing The Mind. It took me two years to finally bring myself to finish writing this, and yeah, I guess it's all over. I may make any revisions in the future, but thank you for going on this roller coaster with me.

As the name suggests, Clearing the Mind revolves around the things that stay stuck in my head that felt nice to express, and after being in that state for two years, maybe its time to take a short rest. Don't worry, I'll probably be back with more.

That wraps up CTM, thank you for reading all the way till here and I'll see you next time!