My Journal

3/10/22

Dear Reader,
Hello I'm back, I have some crazy shit to abt now.
                     THE BREAK UP                         

Chloe and I dated for around 2 months, we broke up on the 7th so 3 days ago. Why did we? Because they are moving away next year to another school district. The district is for snobby rich kids, but anyway because they are moving Chloe asked if we should wait till the end of the year or break up now. Clearly I chose now. We are still friends but Chloe is being more distant which I can't blame them they really loved me but I was kinda falling out of it.

I was already going to break up with them soon anyway, I kinda got lucky with this whole situation. I told Chloe that I already was going to that night at the Choir performance. Let's just say they weren't happy about. They have asked me if I was falling out of love before and of course like most people would say I said no and that I wasn't. As you could imagine Chloe was disappointed that I lied about it. I mean who wouldn't be? I think that might be the reason they are being distant towards me.

                         ANNOYANCE                        

This might sound rude but I really don't care that we broke up and that Chloe is being distant. I have a of other friends that are always there and they don't come to me with every single little problem they have. My other friends also aren't extremely clingy and follow me around everytime they get the chance. Like I get that Chloe trusts me and all, but they need to kinda lay off. They follow me everywhere until we have to go to class. In the classes we have together we ALWAYS have to be partners. If there are groups then they run over and try to be in the same group as me.

No one I have ever met has been that clingy. If I'm talking to some of my friends they will walk over and try to engage in the conversation or just stand there. Sometimes they will go behind me and start fake drumming on my back. THAT'S NOT NORMAL FOR OUR AGE!! It's so annoying to I tell them to stop and they stop but either later that day or the next day they start doing the exact thing again. I really wanna leave them as my friend but know that it would make everything worse for them.

              ⚠️SUICIDE WARNING⚠️           
Chloe has some personal issues but they always bring that down onto me. Not in mean words or hurting me physically. What I mean is if they have a problem they will ignore me or stay quiet the entire day. Not even say that they don't wanna talk about it, just pure silence.

⚠️Speak of suicide⚠️

At lunch once Chloe started talking about how they wanted to kill themselves saying they have tried 3 times but failed. Which I'm glad they did fail those attempts. At that lunch they said they had a date set for attempting it. I forgot the date but it's not important anymore.

They started making a new date and said "Wait I can actually do it this Wednesday!" Which was 2 days from then. (This was Monday) I said no and they asked "Why not? It's not like you care about me anyway." Even if I find them annoying I would never tell anyone to kill or hurt themselves. I was like done with this they always said stuff like saying I don't care for them, or that I was falling out of love with them.

This time they said something I was totally not okay with and I wanted to yell at them so bad but there was people all around us since this was at lunch and even someone sitting right across from us just listening to our whole conversation. (Feel bad they had to watch that) Chloe said "Why not? It's not like you care about me anyway." And then I said at least wait till the end of the school year. Which made them say okay. And that they would in June.

Then they said "Wait- I can't kill myself in June that's when Stranger Things season 4 is coming out." I gave them another reason and said they can't kill them self in June because that's Pride Month. July had some other important stuff too I forgot what because I was thinking we excuses of why they can't kill themselves.

Chloe then said "I can't wait till August to do it!" So then they said thwy could do it in May. I said no again they asked why and I said "Because my birthday is in May." Then what happened I was so mad about. They said that they could do it on MY BIRTHDAY!! Like I get it, you have issues at home, anxiety, depression, and other shit happening. But to bring me into this and to say that you want to do this on my fucking birthday is so not okay.

I said "That would make me hate my birthday" they didn't care they said "It's either this Wednesday or I wait and do it on your birthday. Which one should I do?" I was pissed at this. Like don't ask someone when you should do this stuff it's not okay. Leave me out of whatever issues you have.

I got so lucky again and before I could answer the lunch supervisor began dismissing tables to go to 5th hour. I immediately got up and put on my fake smile I wear everytime some shit happens, I run up to some of my other friends in my class and we walk to class together. I was so annoyed by what had just happened I really was about to ignore Chloe for the rest of the day. The worst part is... This was all forgotten about by the next day which sucks because I didn't forget about it. I'm glad we didn't talk about it anymore but still. MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY IS WHEN THEY WANTED TO DO THAT SHIT!! THAT'S NOT OKAY!!
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1040 words

Thank you for reading guys!! Kinda a different update but thanks and this was definitely difficult to write but I wanted to get this off of my chest and put it somewhere so I guess random strangers on the internet congrats you get to read about my problems.