My Journal

⚠️7/20/22⚠️

Hi. I'm back and will be back more maybe since I have the new school year coming up in August.

Today is VERY different it's a vent. But has to do with something that happened when I was like 9 or 10. While making this I was shaking. I heard the audio of "Body" yk the song that goes "Body, I'm more than my body" (No I wasn't sa'd) This is a very sensitive topic which I will want you rn!!

⚠️!Grooming!⚠️

Okay so when I was 9 or 10 I was added on Snapchat. By a girl who I forgot the name of and won't be saying her user. She was older than me. And decided to take advantage of me being young and naive. She pretty much talked to me like a normal person at first. But a few weeks into this, she asked me to be her gf and ofc I said yes bc I was just now finding out I liked girls and was like- hell yea I get a gf.

Um.. so she started calling me stuff that I found really nice like "baby" and "cupcake" and me being stupid back then didn't see anything weird or wrong with this relationship.

Let me tell you that this girl said she lived where I lived and I believed her bc it was true. I looked on the snapmap and her bitmoji was there in my state. She seemed to "love" me but she didn't clearly.

One day she asked me to send a photo of myself. I thought she meant a selfie. So I sent that- and she explained to me that no that's not what she meant and explained what a n@d3 is. She manipulated me into sending her one of me with out a top on.

This went on for awhile. It was just me sending her photos of different parts of my body with out clothes on..

One time I said no. As in I didn't want to do it that time. I was kinda done with it. It had been a few weeks and I just didn't want to do that anymore. I tried to break up with her. She wouldn't allow it.

I was threatened.

She threatened me. She said that she would post the photos I sent her. Since she saved every single one of them. She said she would post them. And rat me out to my parents. Saying she had already talked to *my dads first and last name* and that terrified me. It would terrify anyone no matter what age. I didn't want my parents to find out bc I knew what I was doing was wrong. And I was scared of the consequences.

I was terrified so I kept sending the photos. No matter the risk. I once had to send them while at my grandparents house. Which isn't okay. I tried saying that I was there and couldn't send them bc my sister and aunt were sleeping in the bed next to me. She didn't care. She said to go into the bathroom. And I did. I sent multiple that night..

So I didn't send a photo for a few nights. Bc I was tired of it. But then being the naive child and her being the manipulative bitch she was, she made me go crawling back to her.

As "punishment" for not sending the photos for a few days she said I had to send a video and photo everyday for a month. I obliged and just did as I was told. Because I was still terrified of her knowing my dad's name.

I eventually got tired of everything. I told her that I'm breaking up with her. And she threatened me again with the "I will post these photos and videos" and I did get scared but really I didn't care that much anymore. I asked where she was going to post them. She wouldn't tell me. I said something like "If you are gonna post my photos at least tell me where you are going to post them." She still wouldn't tell me but I really didn't give a fuck at that point.

I straight up blocked her. She was gone. Still is. Her username is still long gone in my long list of names that I blocked. My parents still don't know. And ik I should tell them but my life has been going great so I don't feel like telling them. I know it's the right thing to do but it was taken care of by me. I'm a perfectionist and independent ofc I won't tell them. (Don't you dare go in the comments and say shit like "You should tell a trusted adult" bc I really don't give any fucks, actually it's 0 bc I don't have a trusted adult which is sad but it's ok bc I'm fine now :])

Anyway- this is the first place I am telling my story. It happens to a lot of people, and it gets worse for a lot of people and is worse for a lot of people. It's a scary thing, but if it happens shut it down as soon as you can. Don't let it happen to you or your friends.

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Words: 1000

Don't y'all dare to all sappy on me like "aww sorry that happened" bc I don't give a shit- just don't it makes me feel like an attention seeker which I totally love attention but this is for spreading awareness, NOT attention.

Have a great rest of your day/evening/night!!
Eat, Sleep, Hydrate or die straight 💅

Longer chapter woo-hoo we love that!! (Tho it is abt my childhood trauma that made me an introverted chaotic bisexual/j)

Can't wait to come back when school starts again that will be amazing!! Maybe no ex drama?? Hopefully- since August isn't gonna be going to our school!! Yayy! That's great!

Goodbye now!! -Devon