My Journal

6/30/22

Hey guys!
I'm actually crying right now. I thought I would never cry for a streamer. Guess I was wrong.

He's gone. Technoblade is gone. I'm actually so sad about this and if my family sees me crying at this I'm gonna cry more.

He was my comfort streamer. I loved him more than anyone else I watched. I can't believe he is really gone. I can't imagine how his family feels. Wilbur, Tommy, and especially Phil they probably won't post or stream for a little bit I'm guessing.

Technoblade said his real name was Alex in his last note he wrote. I am very proud of who he is. Honestly he saved me. He was like someone I could go watch and laugh at. Everything he did was saving someone. He could simply make a joke and that was just helping me be who I am. He actually kinda was one of the people I really wanted merch from. Do I get that anymore? No.

I really wish he wasn't gone. I always relied on his content to make me feel better. He was just one of those people who I trusted. I never met him. Not at all. But I trusted him, he was almost my entire world. I'm gonna binge watch his videos tonight. And maybe finish his goodbye video since I just couldn't. It was too much for me. I just really need a hug right now. Do I get a hug? No. Someone will give me a hug if I go to then crying but it won't mean anything. They don't understand it. They didn't watch him for hours on end just because they had a hard day.

They didn't get all the jokes. They don't fucking understand what I feel right now. If I could do anything right now I would bring him back. Cancer free. My world is falling apart right now. And I can't stand it. America is falling apart and I'm fighting against that. Now Technoblade is gone. He's gone. Gone. Forever. I have tears going down my cheeks and I'm shaking my breathing is also shaky.

I don't want this to be real. Can it be another one of his joke? Please. I need him. I need HIM. Not Wilbur. Not Tommy. Not Ranboo. Not Niki or Tubbo or Dream or George.

I NEED Technoblade.

But I can't. Because he's gone. He fucking gone. It's not fair. Why do only the kind people die short? He got the short end of the stick and it is so unfair. It's not fair.

I know a lot of people miss him. But I really just can't explain my feelings right now. This is gonna hurt so many people. And I feel bad for them too. But I'm also kinda worried because Technoblade was keeping some people alive. And now he's gone. So they want to be gone too.

Now. If you are one of those people. I promise you, don't do it. You will regret it so much. Imagine how the people who love you will feel? Don't even say no one loves you. Because they do. Maybe they don't show it very well. But they love you. They really do. Just hang in there.

Rip Technoblade/Alex. You Were loved by so many. Including me :] I'm just really not ready for you to be gone. No one was.

Goodbye Technoblade I love you so much <3

______________________________________
Words: 608

I'm gonna be offline for a little bit. I might talk a little here and there. But I can't handle this. He meant so much to me.

-Devon signing off