Paper Hearts (Book Five)

Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Three

Loving can hurt sometimes

But it's the only thing that I know

I approached A.J.'s room slowly, not really sure what to expect when I opened up his door. When I did, he was sitting on the edge of his bed. He held in his hands the stuffed elephant that I had gotten him when he was just a baby. He didn't look up when I walked into the room, quiet sniffles coming from the six year old. I sat down next to him, placing an arm around his shoulders. He rested his head on my chest, still playing with arms of the elephant. I wasn't really sure how to start this conversation, a lot of questions on my mind but I didn't want to pressure him into answering.

"Do you want to talk about it squirt?" I asked quietly, waiting for him to answer. A.J. let out a sigh before looking at me. His blue eyes were now faded, almost green now. I didn't like to see him sad, but in the past few weeks that's all he ever seemed to be. I missed the bright and happy little boy he used to be, and I was willing to do almost anything to get him back.

"I just don't want you to forget about me." He whispered, a few stray tears escaping his eyes as he looked at me. I was at a loss for words, unsure what exactly he meant by that and why exactly he said it. I honestly wanted to laugh, take this as some sort of joke.

I would never forget about him.

Never in a million years.

"Squirt.... You know that neither me or your mummy will forget you... You're our little bean, and you always will be." I said slowly, looking at him for a reaction. He didn't give me one, instead he looked away and began to play with his elephant. He didn't say a word, almost as if he was scared to. I wasn't sure what to do, it was almost like I was literally walking on a thin sheet of ice at this point.

"I heard you tell Mummy you didn't want me." He finally whispered, looking at me again with sad eyes. I looked at him confused, trying to figure out when the hell I had said that.

But then I remembered the day we found out Niall was pregnant. He must've been outside the door when we were talking.

"Alexander..."

"Why? Why did you want them, but not me?" His voice cracked as he spoke, his sad expression turning to one of anger and betrayal. I wasn't quite sure how to answer him, the answer obviously stuck in his head that he wasn't what I wanted anymore. You could see how upset he was and to be quite honest it broke my heart. I didn't like to see him upset.

"I wanted you A.J., I swear to god I did. Alexander, you have to understand that I was terrified... Being a parent isn't easy, and that's something you won't find out until you're old enough to have kids of your own. I didn't know what to do when your mum told me you were coming, but that doesn't mean that I didn't want you. I can't picture a life without you, and I'm sorry that I even said that didn't want you. You are my little bean, my squirt, my baby boy. You are my world Alexander Jace, and you always will be. I'm sorry that I don't show you enough that you are." I tried my hardest to prove my point, looking him dead in his eyes as he bit his lip. He looked at me with such vulnerability, almost as if he was expecting me to start laughing in his face.

"Then why do you keep having babies? If I was good enough for you, then why did you have more?" He asked, wanting to know the answer but I was once again unsure how to exactly answer him.

Well you see A.J., I'm a bloody idiot who doesn't know how to wear a condom.

Nope. Couldn't say that.

Well, your mum and I have sex a lot and sometimes the condom doesn't work. At least not with Audrey. I forgot the condom this time.

Couldn't go with that either.

When a mummy and daddy love each other very much, they have what's called a "special hug"

Am I seriously considering giving my son the sex talk at six? Dammit Harry, your priorities are not in order.

"Honestly? We thought we did such a great job with you that we might as well try again. I know it doesn't seem like it, but when you're older and you hate your mum and me you'll be grateful you have Jemma, Jonah and Audrey... along with your two new siblings. They'll be your rocks when you're older, trust me." I smiled at him, hoping that maybe he would understand now.

"I have Olly..." He whispered.

"You do... but sometimes friends don't last forever, but family does."

"I'm gonna marry Olly though. He told me that he wants to marry me." And then A.J. smiled, one that I hadn't seen since the bullying happened. His eyes sparkled, his dimples were showing... he just smiled and I couldn't help but smile too.

Even though the fact my son was engaged at the age of six was somewhat concerning....

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A/N

Hey it's Kristie :)

Updating for Connie cause that's what I do best.

Every time I think I'm catching up with reading this series I realize I'm still a book behind -_-

Maybe someday I'll get it.

Love you guys xx

-Kristie <3