Lead Me Out of the Dark

Love Lost

Dedicated to Sakurahino for reading my story! Thank you!! :)

When we’d gotten home, Linda had proposed that Deck move into Brianna and Taylor’s old room with Holden so they could get to know each other better. That meant I would have a room alone, which I hadn’t had for a long time. It made me feel slightly nauseous.

                “Linda, Deck and I have been getting along just fine. I haven’t complained,” I said slowly. Deck was staring at Holden with an odd expression on his face. Holden was picking at the bottom of his sweatshirt. It was a habit that I guessed he never grew out of.

                “Yes, but it’s kind of inappropriate for you two to share a room, especially at your age. It was only a temporary thing,” Linda said. She was throwing the laundry down and folding it with slightly too much energy. I was trying not to get angry, but I could feel it rising like a tidal wave. I could also taste the bitter sadness that followed. It felt like I was losing Deck in a way. It was painful. I looked over at him again, but he was still looking away from me. Then he seemed to snap out of his trance.

                “Li-” was all I got out. She turned around, her face turning bright red.

                “Stop arguing with me!” Linda screamed so loudly that I winced. I’m pretty sure my jaw literally dropped. Holden’s head snapped up, looking between the both of us with wide eyes. Deck stepped in front of me quickly. For the first time since I’d moved in here, I was afraid that Linda might hit me. She looked so violently angry in this moment that my stomach clenched.

                “Why are you so mad?” I asked quietly. My hands shook. What if I started having flashbacks? I could already see my father’s face just behind my eyelids.

                “Why am I mad? Why am I MAD?” Linda screamed. I waited patiently, my breath sliding past my lips shakily. “I met with my ex-husband today. I was looking for the number for the dry cleaners when I found something interesting. It was labeled, ‘Booty Call’. When I opened the contact I found none other than the child I’m harboring inside of my own home!” Oh no. This couldn’t be happening. The one thing Linda always talked about, always dreamed of was getting back together with her ex-husband. He was the reason she had foster kids in the first place. He’d cheated on her and then they divorced, but some years later they’d become friends again. She always secretly hoped that he’d changed, but she couldn’t see what everyone else saw: he was a dirty man who liked sex a little too much. She always had tried to see the good in him.

                “You are an inconsiderate, hopeless little tramp. You’re beyond help,” Linda snapped. My heart shattered to pieces inside of my ribcage. No. This couldn’t be happening. She couldn’t be giving up on me. Not like my mother had.

                “Linda! What the Hell is wrong with you?” Deck roared. He looked ready to tear her to shreds. I was too busy being torn apart myself to even stop him from being so angry. “Worthless piece of shit, that’s what she is!” My dad snapped at my mother. My heart ached. What had I ever done to him? I had treaded so carefully yet no matter what I did, he always hated me. He always would hate me. Now Linda absolutely loathed me. Soon, Deck wouldn’t be able to stand me either. It was only a matter of time before I was alone again, lost in my own world.

                     I knew exactly how I would have reacted only weeks ago. I would have ran away like a spoiled brat and went straight to my drugs. I would have avoided my problems via a powder paradise. I knew I was hurting intensely, but I couldn't let this misery get the best of me. I had to stick it out. This little spat, this piece of my past; it definitely wasn't worth dying for. I looked over at Deck, who was currently eyeing Linda like he wanted to destroy her. As if he could sense me staring, he turned to stare at me, his gaze softening immediately when he saw that I wasn’t running of to do drugs. I was crying, yes, but my stance was strong and I wasn’t breaking down…yet.

                        “Do you want me to leave?” I asked. Somehow I managed to keep my voice from cracking. That alone was something to be proud of, I told myself. Internally, my heart was smashing. Please say no. Please tell me that if I apologize we can get past this. Please tell me you won’t give up on me.

                        “Yes. I’ll file to give you up so that you can be a legal adult. You can find a job and support yourself. You’re old enough for that,” Linda mused, almost like she was trying to convince herself.

                        “Linda! You can’t do that!” Deck screamed. Linda’s hands gripped the laundry basket so tightly her knuckles turned white. I seriously missed Brianna and Taylor at this point. They’d been picked up to spend an evening at their new house. They would have diffused the situation or at least been a source for me to vent to.

                        “How soon should I go?” I questioned. While my voice still didn’t crack, it softened dramatically.

                        “As soon as-” Linda began, but the doorbell rang, cutting her off. Linda quickly charged off towards the door to go see who it was. I leaned back against the wall just behind me, closing my eyes tightly. I was going to have to leave Deck. Just when I’d thought things were getting better… and Holden. I’d just gotten him back only hours ago and already I was being ripped away from him forcefully. What was wrong with the world? Why couldn’t the universe just let me be happy for once? I felt a shadow block the light from behind my eyelids. I peeked my eyes open, only to see Holden. His face was somber.

                        “I don’t want to live here if you aren’t here. I lost you once and I’m not losing you again,” Holden said simply. My eyes glistened with unshed tears. He really did care for me. I took his hand briefly and squeezed it.

                        “Thank you.” I said, trying to convey with my eyes how much I meant it. It was only then that I realized Deck wasn’t in the room.

                        “Where…” I trailed off. I looked around the room, but he was nowhere to be found. I could hear clattering coming from somewhere upstairs. Oh no. Had Deck gotten so angry he’d resulted to destructing things? I raced upstairs, Holden on my heels. Deck had our room in a completely disastrous state. It looked like he was searching for something. When he saw me, I realized that he’d packed a bag and it was on his bed.

                        “I’ll go check what’s going on with Linda,” Holden said suddenly. He turned and edged out of the room…weirdo. Deck approached me, taking both of my hands in his, eliminating all thoughts of Holden.

                        “You are absolutely amazing, you know that?” He exclaimed, leaning his head against mine with a smile. His comment made my breath catch in my chest. I leaned up and crashed my lips against his, tangling my fingers in his midnight hair. Deck stepped forwards so that we were pressed together, his hands reaching up to cradle my face softly to his. His lips were heated against mine, his breath slipping between my lips, warming me up.

                        “Ey, lovebirds, time to go!” A voice declared. Both Deck and I spun around towards the door, our faces twisting in confusion. It was the last person we expected to see.