Dark Desires (Bucky Barnes) ((Steve Rogers))

Chapter 23: Everything's Going to Be Okay

Hours went by as they watched and went over all of the security footage from the gala that the soldier appeared in, they watched several times through, watching and listening carefully. They then pulled up old footage of Steve and FRIDAY pieced clips together that matched the security footage. Bucky hung his head already knowing that it in fact was Steve. Just to be sure, Tony asked FRIDAY to do a voice analysis. As the intelligence system compared hundreds of voice clips each one coming back a 100% match, the reality began to sink in with them all. Nat was openly crying quietly, Tony had shakily sat down, Sam turning away pacing. Bucky lifted his head, angrily staring at a black box with red lettering reading 100% match blinking across the whole screen.

They all now shared a guilt, a sadness, an anger. They had searched for him, they had looked for any trace of him being alive. They had even brought a body back. The dental records matching Steve's so the unrecognizably burnt corpse hadn't been investigated any further. When this whole time he had been alive and had been out there being tortured and brainwashed by Hydra, for over a year. This couldn't have been the first time they used him either. Nat wondering how many incidents Steve had been used for that they had overlooked and for how long he had been active. Tony blamed himself for not having tried harder and Sam felt guilty for having moved on from the loss seemingly easily, though it hadn't been. Though each of them, minds racing, all feeling guilt and sadness, none of them were feeling what Bucky was feeling.

"FRIDAY, bring up any security, or satellite footage including incidents involving assassinations and stolen intel from the last year where.. um, Captain Rogers, was present." Nat said sadly.

Bucky gripped the table firmly, looking up as videos were analyzed and pulled. At least a dozen on screen, still shots of him with dates, times and locations including, Bucky noticed, the day of the Gala. He looked closely at it, still gripping the table, he quickly pressed it bringing it up to play the footage, recognizing the still shot of the park that morning. He had been in disguise, sitting on a bench only a path away from them, pretending to read but listening to them, the audio of Bucky and Peter talking was playing when he saw it. The breeze picked up and Cara turned suddenly, inhaling deeply. Slowly walking toward where Hydra Steve was sitting, but not seeing him, obscured from her view by bushes and a small tree. The hope in her eyes, the flash of excitement on her face, then as Bucky approached her, she shook off the excitement, looking let down. Peter no longer on camera, and they left, so did Steve, in a different direction.

Angry tears now streaked his face as he gripped the table so hard it began to crack. Nat looked over, Sam staring at his back as well, both noticing as Tony played the other videos, all from the last 6-8 months. Everything from assassinations, to murdering SHIELD agents taking intel with him with such ease, you could have missed it if you didn't slow the footage down. When Nat touched his arm, saying his name carefully Bucky slammed his fists on the table breaking it in half. They all had his attention now as he cried out angrily.

"Whoa, Bucky, we all feel-" Sam started.

"NO! No you DON'T! You don't all feel like I do right now! Are we all happy he's alive? Yeah I'm sure we are. Are we all planning a rescue mission in our minds to save him? Yeah I'm sure of that too. We're all sad, we're all feeling responsible for missing it, we all feel guilty- but not FUCKING one of you feels guilty and sad like I do." Bucky yelled, raising his voice even more.

They all stood back, silently letting him work it out, tears still fresh in Nat's eyes, Tony looking ready to take him down if need be, and Sam looking concerned. But Bucky went on on.

"Not one of you, NOT ONE, is happy he's alive AND sad for the same reason. He's alive and I'm going to lose HER!" Bucky said pointing to the video, now a still, of Bucky and Cara laughing. "Not one of you feels guilty for partially being angry he's alive because if he's alive, I lose HER! I love her but she loves him! DON'T ANY OF YOU GET THAT?! I should be jumping for joy that he's alive! He's been my best fucking friend since we were kids! Part of me wants to shout and jump for joy ! But the fact that the moment she knew he was alive, I lost the love of my life, ruins that... I should be happy for her, I am happy! But more than anything I'm-"