Letters to a person I'll never send

I love you

"Be safe ok?"
I told you I wouldn't do it.
"Can't have you dying on me"
I'm sorry, I know what I promised.
"I love you"
This isn't your fault.
This wasn't supposed to be our last goodbye.
But as I stand here and look into your eyes,
your grip releases from mine and I shudder as the door closes behind you.
Now all I see is red.
I'm sorry.
I smell iron.
Taste it.
I can almost hear it.
I should have said it back.
I never said it back.
I can't get up, I'm sorry.
I love you.