I wish I could disappear.
Into the night, just go.
I wouldn't have to exist,
and if I did it would be peacefully.
Not with all these thoughts spinning through my head.
Maybe thats why I find myself doing things and not thinking.
I like to walk with my eyes closed.
Sit in the grass and close my eyes, just listen, just feel. Don't think.
Maybe that's why I find myself jumping off of unreasonably high things.
Putting myself in the line of fire so often.
Just do it, I'll try anything once.
Going on that ride.
Jumping off that rope swing into the cold water.
Climbing up that railing.
Sprinting on that dangerously thin hiking trail,
don't look down, you might lose your footing.
Maybe that's why I find myself at the edge of the ocean, almost hearing it whisper my name.
I want nothing more than to throw myself into it.
To see where it takes me, the feel the salt on my skin.
Maybe in my lungs.
No, you know that burns.
What an awful way to die.
And yet so poetic.
Maybe that's why I find myself a little too close to the edge of that mountain, staring down the sheer drops and fighting the little voice that's telling me "it's not the falling that kills you, it's the stop".
Shut up. Not now. It's not my time.
Sometimes I wish I could just exist as a spirit.
I think people might be better off if I wasn't there.
Live as a ghost so I could still check on them.
If I could erase all memory of me,
maybe that would work.
Sometimes I wish I could disappear.
