Letters to a person I'll never send

First love

My first love was a complicated one.
We had met through a friend and I was immediately captivated.
I don't know why, or how.
But you caught my attention and I was curious.
The more we got to know each other the more I wanted to learn about you.
And eventually I told you how I felt,
which ended in my feelings going up in flames from the moment you responded "Oh".
I didn't know what it meant.
We were far too complicated before you responded, so I gave it all up.
I wanted to keep you, whether that meant me giving it up, or not, I wanted you to stay.
Look how that turned out.
Turns out you did have feelings,
so why did you hide it for so long?
We fell out.
And things got messy again when your friends tried to keep talking to me.
I liked all of you, you know.
But he's such a creep.
We haven't really talked in a long time.
And you've met him now.
I love him now.
I think I always will.
But a part of me still misses you.
I've texted you more than once.
Each time you're always busy.
I don't know why I try anymore.
I'm at work, text later?
Can't talk, at work.
Can we talk later?
Talk later bucko
I miss you, but it seems you don't feel the same.
I'm angry.
And tired.
And I want so bad to talk to you.
Why did you push away?
We were so close,
you were my best friend.
How could you throw it all away so easily?
All the nights we stayed up,
all the jokes we made,
all the laughs we shared,
the tears.
How could you give me up so easily.
They say your first love is the strongest.
I guess I wasn't your first.
And you weren't mine.