Tortured Awakening (2022 Version)

Chapter 41

Despite how disturbing my evening with Killian was, after my talk with Luther, I just knew that I had to fix any disturbance there might be between Killian and myself. It seemed my fears of what Killian was capable of was more than accurate. I did not want to give him any reason to doubt my behavior.

I entered his room, finding him asleep at his bed. He appeared quite nice when he was calm and not actively seeking to harm others.

There were parts of me that were telling me to go back to my room and fix this in the morning, but I had to do it now while I still had everything fresh in my mind.

I crawled into his bed, almost immediately waking him.

He let out a tired sigh "When I said that you could join me in bed, I did not believe it would be this late in the night" he adjusted his position and looked at me "Why are you still awake?"

"I was wandering the manor, unable to sleep"

"Are you alright?" he asked, surprising me once again by how concerned he could sound when it was the right time.

"Promise me that you will not see this as me being weak" I requested.

He nodded, confused.

"I was trying to imagine a life with you, completely letting loose and allowing myself to commit to you; I am unsure why this idea is playing in my head so frequently, but I am certain that it is the darker side that I have found inside of myself" I kept my eyes focused on him "That side is slightly intrigued by the idea of being like you"

He stared at me.

"In my thoughts, I think about how if I can just convince myself that this is what I want, then I can play the role of a submissive fool"

He took my hand, squeezing it.

I shook my head, surprised by how honest some of that seemed to be. Some of it was forced, but some of it was honest. There was a darker side to me that I was discovering me, and it was intrigued "Can I stay with you for the night?"

"Sure" he whispered.

"I only ask that nothing will happen"

Killian was clearly uncertain by the behavior that I was displaying. I would be suspicious too, because I am sure I appeared quite insane at the moment. He was probably waiting for something to go wrong, just as I was.

"What has changed inside of you?" he asked.

I got closer to him "I have simply discovered a new side inside of myself that I cannot tell if I like or not, but I know that you bring it out of me"

"The darker side?"

I nodded.

"Cordelia, every human has the ability to release their sexuality and experience a darker side within them; though not every human will get the opportunity to explore or even get the option to" he stared at me "Perhaps one day I will turn you into a vampire, if you would like that"

The idea played around in my head, making me wonder what being at his side would be like if I shared an equal power to his.

I could not say for certain how long I will be here or how long I could keep his interest, but I feel that the longer I stay here the more I would accept a life with him, even if it was as a vampire.

But if I became a vampire, I would not have to stay.

Would I?

Could he still control me?

"What is going on in your head?" he asked, placing his hand on my face.

"I do not know, but there is far too much to deal with"