Not So Happy Endings

10•'IN ANGEL'S YARD'

GOOD GUYS BREAK HEARTS TOO

Sometimes We Have To Lie Not To Hurt Those Who Think We Care About Them

DERRICK'S P.O.V

"Derrick Rose wins the first runner up for best nonfictional writer of the year award." My tutor and girlfriend said in the MCs voice as we sat in the bath tub.

Something we do to to relax after the day's work.

Bouncing her full breast and my favourite part of her body as she continued to congratulate me, my mind went back to Angel.

I hope she never finds out the truth.

"I'm a genius right?" Yes a genius is definitely what I would call Emily Jones, the only daughter of the country's number one hotshot lawyer.

"The trip was definitely what you needed to keep the juices flowing." She said as she leaned closer to give me a kiss.

And again the little trip to China was all I needed to overcome the overbearing writer's block and write out that amazing award winning bestselling book I titled "Due To Die".

A true life story about a young lady who was terminal and dead inside.

In my entire life of different careers and personalities I've never come across a person with a story as pitiful as hers, neither have I ever come across a person as starved of love as Angel was.

So starved that she was too blind and read meanings to everything I did.

She even wrote in her diary, that for the first time in her life,she wanted to live.

And for who?

For me.

She wanted to live for a coward like me.

'Prince' the nurse she fell in love with.

And I must say, at some point, my heart was drawn to her that the tears I shed on her grave was sincere.

My love confession was pushed by Emily, she said it would make the story more real and catchy which it did.

And I didn't know when my feelings started, but I do know that what was supposed to be an a copied love confession turned out to be one straight out of my heart.

And sometimes, just like now I feel guilty about what I did.

My main motive.

It's true it isn't my first time of creating a new identity just so that I can feel enough to write, but this is my first time feeling guilty about it.

I'm sorry Angel but I had to do it.

The memory where she was buried and how she was prepared to die still haunts me.

She had decided to open up to me about her past.

"Amongst all the dead people I know, I'm the one who wouldn't die the day after my birthday" she said and I could see the sad smile on her face.

The tears threatening to fall also came as a shock to me, because she was one to always act strong and tough though she was terminal.

She managed to be that cold patient the nurses didn't want to be with for long.

And she told me the reason why, she was scared.

Scared that the next person she let into her life wouldn't live long, just like the others.

She felt like she was cursed.

"Anyways, on my tombstone, I want it to read "Here Lies Angel Lee, The One Who Didn't Find Life Till She Was About To Lose It."" She had requested.

And I know exactly what she meant by that, because she always referred to me as her life.

I was the one she found when she was terminal.

I was the one who gave her hope to believe and find joy in herself again.

"Don't tell me you are still thinking about the dead girl." Emily said as she applied body lotion on her long legs.

"Look Derrick, I'm sorry I put you in that type of situation.

"It must have being hard watching someone you befriended dying right in with front of you." She said standing from the stool.

"But I understand and you have to understand that you needed to do it to live."

"You had to love Derick, you had to win that award." She said as she spread her legs.

But no she doesn't understand.

She doesn't understand how hard it is.

She doesn't understand the emotional turmoil I was in.

She doesn't understand how hard it was having those feelings for someone and then losing that person.

She doesn't understand loving someone and feeling like you don't deserve it in return.

It's so hard and painful.

Very painful, I wonder how Angel was able to live as strong as she did after losing all those people dear to her.

"But really I can't stand you being this gloomy when you ought to be celebrating your latest victory." On and on she rambled and to be very honest I understood her.

She was saying all this because she didn't understand how I felt or how I feel right now.

I understood her up until when she said...

"You are just being a weakling and everything was fake anyway, I wonder why you are still so hung up on it and are acting like a pussy."

Noo.

I'm not being a weakling, she got that part wrong.

She got that part wrong.

"Because Angel thought me how to be strong.

Angel thought me strength,so there's no way I'm being a weakling, there's no way I'm letting her down.

I already did that by lying to her and I'm not going to repeat the same mistake by not believing in her.

I'm not going to be another villain in Angel's story.

I'm not going to be that person that'll make her feel bad and trapped again.

Never that's not who I'm going to be.

So no I'm not a weakling, I'm not a weakling.

I'm just in mourning."

It took me Emily's loud sobs and the sound of glass shattering for me to know I had said all that out and I wasn't just mentally convincing my self.

But I didn't need her thirty minutes rant to know that the incident with Angel has messed me up.

Messed me up that the award I so wanted which was sitting on my top shelf made me feel irritated.

I lied to get it.

I lied to a dying innocent girl to get it.

I had lied to the only person that let me feel real emotions to get the award that now makes me feel sick to my stomach.

And now I'm messed up.

It was supposed to be just non fiction, but anytime I remember how I felt when writing down each word, I realize how messed up my real life is.

Angel was not supposed to be real.

But here I am dealing with the feeling I have for a dead person.

Which is about to cost me a lot of things.